So I cannot tell if it is a good idea posting my thoughts... however, I just cannot keep them to myself. So earlier today I was feeling...well suicidal... so I ventured over to this site... before posting some suicide pity party... I read a few posts and felt energized once again. I am noticing more and more that I return to this forum to remind myself of where I was and to not give up. So I guess I could say I am using this forum as an example of what I hate... The main thing being giving up. Everyday, the thought of quitting and not trying inspires anger in me. This forum and one other forum are huge culprits of this. I know a year ago I was just like everyone here... however... I have changed since then. I cannot stand doing nothing anymore. I hate just quitting because I am tired of trying... it drives me up the wall. I have come so far... I have done so much. So when I feel down I need to come here and read stories. I also like to advise people with my new-found views. I hope that people don't listen because that pisses me off even more and motivates me to do better. I come to this forum to see those who do not want to get better either...I was once in that state too. Nothing felt better than hating myself... that was easy and it was easy to get that from others. However, I read so many people trying so many things and having them fail... sometimes I really wonder if you want to get better. I can use my weight loss over the year as an example. When I first tried to lose weight...well my heart was not in it. I met the stupid bitch who just wanted a man, on here of course, and was having regular sex. I did not need to feel attractive because having sex made me feel attractive. However, once that was gone. I felt ugly... and for the first time I really wanted to lose the weight... so I really tried, and succeeded. Which makes me think that some people just try to say they tried.... I don't know... I am kind of loopy from coming back from the gym... I hope that no one is too offended. If you are... well I feel how I feel. I make no apologies either.