Firstly, thank you to those of you who supported me on my leave from here and/or posted to my leave message. I sincerely wish those I talk with much good. Its been an interesting couple of weeks. But, unfortunately, not in a good way. Things have turned south in the situation I am dealing with. I am beyond sad, more numb at this stage, trying to cope. My most recent si was two nights ago. I was triggered by something unknown, had an unpleasant physical reaction out of nowhere. My mind was blank, not thinking on anything in particular at the time, it threw me for a loop. And so, si was the result. It is my ONLY way of having any control in my life currently, or so it feels. That, and ultimately a way out once this is over. I have started to distance myself from my T, which isn't a good sign. Things are so hard, I haven't been completely honest with my feelings & thoughts to some of those of you I've been in contact with. IRL people have NO idea of my true thoughts, feelings, actions and future intentions. Theres not much else to say.