Changing ourselves is Hard

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CuriosityWasFramed, Dec 10, 2012.

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  1. CuriosityWasFramed

    CuriosityWasFramed Well-Known Member

    I first posted here when I was 15.

    I didn't know why I wanted to die - nothing has ever happened to me to make life difficult - I only knew that I didn't want to live.
    That hasn't changed. The only thing I'm sure of is I am suicidal, every day. Some days, it's all I can think about.

    I'm 22 now, as of today, coincidently.
    Here is what I've learned in those 7 years of trying to change myself; to learn to love life.

    It's hard. If you are in a deep dark pit, you need a helping hand. You need to tell someone.
    It will hurt. You need to open up. It's painful if you are too proud or too shy.
    It's a long road. The key to enjoying life and finding was you seek is, paradoxically, willpower and discipline. These can be improved, with effort.
    Keep trying. You will let yourself down. Others will let you down. Keep trying and sometimes you get further; eventually you might make it.

    Life is worth it - probably - I haven't got this far yet. It's a long climb from the bottom of our pit. It's hard enough for others already that aren't psychologically disadvantaged, if you want to think of it as that. However - Not all of us are strong enough. No one should ever judge you for opting out of life if you have given it you best effort.

    Personally I don't.think I'm strong enough, but I can say I tried. You get one life, so TRY, try hard and die knowing you tried. Anyone who judges you or thinks you are selfish should stop and consider their hypocrisy.

    Well, its been a while since I posted. Years. I though I should just to post my experience, just incase I finish up my journey.
  2. Lifeisagift

    Lifeisagift Well-Known Member

    I hope you have some positive days sometimes. Or just moments when... idk life is just so surprising. It can be a date, a landscape, a music, really whatever, but just for these precious moment i believe that life is worth it.
  3. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Hi CWF - I thank you for writing your post, and coming back here after 7 years. I think you write from wisdom and experience, and you write the truth. I agree with it all. One certainly does need a helping hand to get out of a pit, that is for sure.
    I've been double that number of years coming out of mine by the same method, discovering the same things. I can see now where I had been psychologically disadvantaged, since incredibly young when stuff was happening I could not possibly have controlled, but the effects of which served to stuff my thinking in the emotional department, and deeper.

    However, it is never, ever too late to find the best way to rectify this sort of damage. Both that done to us by others, and what we do as a result...... it can all become integrated, until in the end, like I'm beginning to increasinly realise day by day - the effort made pays dividends hands down, because the learning curve has been able to teach us so much, and that is what is so tremendous about doing the effort, making the effort - :)
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