Chaotic symphony

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Chaos116882, Jul 31, 2007.

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  1. Chaos116882

    Chaos116882 New Member

    Haven't posted anything in a long while...Tell me what you think and constructive criticism is more than welcome

    Chaotic symphony
    Discordant epiphany
    My state of mind
    Not to a knife
    But instead a life
    My bind
    Pointless optimism
    Not quite masochism
    My fragility
    Sanity flying on the brink
    Feeling as if I’ll sink
    My reality
    Death and rapport
    A pained roar
    The future
    A coffin in the ground
    A gravetaker in a mound
    My suture
     
  2. ACRon

    ACRon Well-Known Member

    I liked the use of words, it had a flow to it which was comprehensible yet fragmented to give a vision of confusion, which i think you were aiming for. if i were to be a critic, from my perspective atleast, I think you place emphasis on the rhyming of words. To the detrement of what you were maybe trying to say. I like how you placed the more descriptive words, it had style and verve
     
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