Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by gentlelady, Sep 12, 2010.

  1. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    My turn to rant a bit. I have noticed over this past year something that really bothers me about chat. I hear members complain that it is not the supportive environment it used to be, and in many ways I have to agree. Chat has become more a place of social networking like facebook or myspace, or even MSN. Members gather there to chat and visit amongst themselves. I really have no problem with that. We all enjoy having a place to gather and chit chat about various topics. Where my disappointment or frustration comes in, is when a member enters with an issue that may be a bit uncomfortable for some. The description does state that main chat is for lighthearted chat, but it also says that should someone come in with a serious problem they are not to be turned away. So often I see the members in Main chat tell them to take it to triggers. Great. That is the room to go to avoid triggering others. The problem I see is that no one follows them. What good does it do to need help if you are told to go somewhere else and no one is there? As an experiment I have come in several times and gone into the triggers room. I wanted to see if anyone would acknowledge that perhaps I was struggling. On several occasions I sat there alone for more than 30 minutes and not once was I checked on. I have seen it happen to other members as well. Would it be so difficult for someone to go into the room and ask if the member was okay or needed to talk? If you are not in the place emotionally to deal with a triggering topic, you could still acknowledge them and let them know you aren't in a good place. Then go back into Main Chat or Spare Room and ask if anyone feels they can speak with whoever is in Triggers. If you don't want to leave your buddies in whatever room you are in, at least PM the person in crisis. Please don't just ignore them.
    The way it should be handled when you ask them to move to triggers is to do so and then ask if anyone is up to going in, or ask the member themselves if they will change rooms with you. At least they are aware that someone is concerned about them and does care. They may decline your help, but again, they know someone cared enough to ask. I could go on forever, but none of you want to read a novel on this topic. All I am asking is to be supportive of one another. It may mean you have to sacrifice a little of your time, but you may just save a life. At the very least you will make someones day a little less painful.
  2. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    I just have to say and it's not a dig at anyone but I said the same thing two years ago and basically everyone told me I was wrong. *shrugs* I'm just saying that's the main reason I choose not to come on this site much anymore nor go into chat.
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know it has been a problem for quite awhile and this is not the first time it has been brought up. I raised the issue hoping to raise awareness once again. I am sorry you have felt the need to stay away because of it.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    I'm sorry you were told that you were wrong. I agree with Gentlelady's post completely; I've watched several times as a member logs into TS and sits there alone for a while before obviously giving up and leaving. While lighter chitchat is fine, the main purpose of this site is to offer support, and people aren't getting that support if they're in TS by themselves while everyone else is in Main or Spare.
  5. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am sorry that no-one checked on you. I can honestly say that I've only ever seen you in chat once since I've been back over the last couple months... Which is not saying you weren't there, just saying not at the same time as when I was there. I'm sorry that no-one checked on you. I can understand what you're saying and where you're coming from. I honestly can't say why or why not people do or don't do things, though. I know if I see just one person in TS, I try to either message them or go in, if I feel I can handle it - there are times I just couldn't cope at all, and I go in main chat for a distraction. At those times I'd likely either get more triggered, or trigger them more, and I generally do what I feel would be best. If I personally feel I can handle it, I definitely message or go in. I am sorry you didn't have anyone go after you, though. I'm around if you need to talk. :hug:
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    I've seen this happen too. There are a few folks who almost always go and check on people who are in a room alone or in ts. I can think of about ten people who will almost always check on others.

    I've seen ppl come into the main chat as no one was in the other rooms, attempt to bring up something, and then are berated, put down, even laughed at...that is really sad.

    Agreed, if you are going to send them to ts, at least go check on them. Many times when i've not been in a good space, i've at least checked on the person, then attempted to find someone in a better space who can offer them support.

    This is a good topic to bring up for discussion as it serves as a reminder.

  7. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    The slogan should be "A support for people in cliques".
  8. 000000

    000000 Well-Known Member

    I think that's a fair issue and I will make more of an effort to be supportive to anyone alone in one of the rooms.
  9. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    The thing about chat is that it can be brutal... very brutal, even for someone who's used it for a while like me.
    First, it is much easier to notice people who don't like you. They would greet certain people and totally ignore you.
    Second, i try as much as i can to ask people who are all by themself in a room if they are ok. Thing is they don't always answer you. Sure they could be AFK, but alot of the time they would go into another room and totally ignore my presence.
    Third, unlike the forum where i can choose the topic i want to participate in, i would be forced to read through mundane chatters in the chat room.

    Fourth, chat is very censored. In fact i'm afraid to start serious discussion. Should i make the mistake to offend someone they would report my sorry ass asap. Then a mod would log in under ghost mode and wait patiently for me to screw up then they would give me an infraction. In forum, you would at least get a warning, or maybe have your comment deleted. Not in chat... where the authority button is easily pressed.

    Fifth and not least, This is just my opinion... I can see there's two totally different group of people using chat and the forum. And IMHO, the forum folks are more helpful, mature and compassionate.
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2010
  10. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I agree with Boo on a lot of that. A lot of times people ignore others and seem to pass your existence by in chat. Many times I went in TS or even Main and said hi or asked something, and people went around me and continued talking, or change the subject.

    Also, these days I tend to do what Boo said, message someone first, because a lot of times I'd go in TS and get no reply. I notice sometimes people use TS like QP, they'd go in there because no-one was in there. Then they'd go AFK, or idle out.
  11. JBird

    JBird Well-Known Member

    When i first joined, someone always followed you into the triggering room or any other room if it was just the one member alone, now, like you said, i can sit in a room on my own for ages before deciding its a complete waste of time and isn't solving anything.
    Unfortunately the only people that used to join members in triggering or even just PM to check you're alright were banned a few months ago. I think you should look back and work out which members offered to support the people in TS and why they're no longer here. The people that i saw supporting others don't go into chat anymore.

    Every action has a consequence, the mass banning (temporary and permenant) of members that went off has caused this, but thats just my opinion and observation.

    I don't support people on SF unless its via PM or MSN. I go into the chat room to relax and calm down after a busy day. Some will think thats selfish but i prefer to talk privately.

    I stopped supporting members after finding out most of them were either trolls, liars or complete knobs.

    I don't think you can place the blame entirely on members, some members don't support others because of the lack of support they recieved, others because of the situation they're struggling with and others because they've had the support thrown back in their face in the past and loads more reasons.

    And again before anyone bites my head off, i've seen the forum, chat and members change over the years. This is just one members observation
  12. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    sorry to those who have had bad experiences in chat. i havent noticed any clix or rude behavior
  13. SaidDave

    SaidDave Banned Member

    you've been missing out. jk
  14. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    lols i gez sew
  15. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

  16. Daijou

    Daijou Well-Known Member

    I haven't tried the chat yet since I joined, so I can't say I've seen any of what you're talking about. But when I do give it a try, if I see someone all alone in the TS room or wherever, I'll make sure to check on them and help in any way I can. :)
  17. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    yeah, i may be wrong, but i cant help but think that this is sarcasm.
  18. TrentGrad

    TrentGrad Well-Known Member

    I can understand the perspectives being raised here, but I don't know what people really expect.

    I have, on occasions, followed a person to triggering...and sat there in silence. Likewise, I've been directed to go to triggering when I ask someone a general question, like, say, what is their favourite food?

    You could try getting rid of the room system, and have one room, and everyone in it. But either way, there will have to be some give from everyone involved in the chat room: people who can be triggered may have to try to be more resiliant, and people who are in crisis may have to tolerate that some of the conversation is more light hearted and friendly.

    Short of that, the only other thing I can really suggest is having more moderators, and scheduling them to do time in one of two rooms.
  19. boo

    boo Well-Known Member

    Ok. You NEED to allow people to contact you and as such it's impossible.
    You sent me a pm, and i can't reply because you turn all the messaging option off.
  20. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Maybe triggering subjects should be allowed to be discussed in the main chatroom? If someone is bothered by the subject being discussed, they should go into another room.