Chauvinists and sexist people makes me depressed & agrresive

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by andrtaker, Apr 3, 2009.

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  1. andrtaker

    andrtaker Guest

    hello, i just joined this site like 3 days ago so you may not know me much and i only signed in this account twice.

    anyway, here is my story...

    Something bad happened in my past (and plenty more personal problems) that kinda left a bad "traumatic experiences" in my head...

    Everytime I hear or see anything that is sexist or chauvanistic (even if its a joke) it makes me depressed sometimes...
    but most of the times it makes me very angry and like I wanna murder or destroy that person or "thing".

    I tried to change this "habit" and ive been to 4 psychologists and 2 therapists and im taking some medications but non of those helps.

    I got involved to plenty of psychical fights in my school and sometimes in my work, any guys or girls that are being or showing any signs of sexist or chauvinist attitude/sign i just go straight up in their face and then punch them with my hardest without question. I have to do it because its going to drive me crazy and I might do things that are far worser than that. sry..

    It makes depressed and suicidal because of this... Im trying really hard to calm down and change this fcked up attitude but I just keep remembering something in the past that makes me really really REALLY angry and hate people that are being sexist and male/female chavaunists...

    Even here. 10 minutes ago, I had read some sexist/chavanist posts in this site that made me very angry but immediately calmed down after i punched a wall.

    Yep, Im really fcked up I know... but how can I be a normal happy person with this attitude. i got no friends, my parents & bros lives far away from me, im having suicidal thoughts and i had tried only one "attempt" of hanging myself but the rope snapped because either the rope is to thin or maybe the rope cant handle my weight.

    I know killing yourself isnt a good excuse, but I have a good excuse why I should kill myself, if I dont do anything about this... then maybe in the near future I or someone might get hurt really bad. or worse, dead.. after all, my life is slowly going "down the drain" so why bother living anyway.

    Unless or someone out there that can atleast give me a hint, tip or anything to stop this stupid nonsense fcked up thoughts...
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Why don't you get your shrink or therapist to refer you to a behavouralist.. Maybe they can shed some light on why you get so aggressive.. Your right in todays society that kind of behavour will only land you in jail..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2009
  3. forgotten1

    forgotten1 Member

    I'm sorry you have to go through this. I know what you're going through in a sense, but not as extremely as you. I was in an abusive relationship for 5 years. I guess I entered the relationship being naïve and too passive and excused the hitting and screaming and name calling. I broke down from the semi-confident person I was as a teenager to feeling like a worthless person waiting on my orders.

    After 4 years, my mind 'switched'. One night, when he ripped the shower curtain off the rod and began to reach for me... I hit him. With every ounce of anger in my body. I wasn't even considering the consequences. I just pulled back and punched him in the mouth. It was the first time in my life I had ever hit someone.

    Now I've gone from passive-agressive, to physically agressive. I left the relationship, but the urge to hit someone still lingers. I almost wish someone would make me angry enough.

    I'm considering therapy to first work out my past... and I'm hoping that will help my present state. I hope you find releif. I really do.

    Don't let yourself be controlled by this. You seem stronger than that. Good luck and best wishes.
     
  4. Angelo_91

    Angelo_91 Well-Known Member

    I know how you feel when you just get this anger within you. I feel quite similar to your situation except the fact that I get angry when I see people happy. I sometimes feel I just want to kill them, show them how fucking blind they are. It eats at me seeing people see some sort of unjustified hope.
     
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