Hi all, It's a long story but basically I'm at a place in my life that I never thought I would be. I think about ending my life all the time. It's been going on for months. I've never felt this badly before. I was never severely depressed before in my life, and never had a suicidal thought until my wife decided to leave me for a man she was having an affair with. It happened fairly quickly and painfully. As a result, we are divorcing and I see my young children half the time. I am in a foreign country with no family, a few new friends and not in much contact with her family (whom had become my second family). I feel very isolated here, and on top of it I work from home. I went back to my home country for a couple of months but was very depressed there as well. I've been through so many intense emotions: denial, rage, shame, panic, anxiety, sorrow, isolation, ... the list goes on. It's been a struggle and often I really want to end it. I've researched methods and know what I would do (won't mention it here). Obviously, I think it is a selfish, cowardly act which will affect a lot of people. I don't want to give my kids this legacy and cause them sorrow. BUT... I can't accept this reality of losing the person whom I loved the most and who was supposed to be my life partner. I'm in such a bad state I often think it would just be better to end it all. It would hurt others but if they knew the pain I was experiencing, they may feel some relief. I've bothered everyone because I talked about the separation for months. I see a lot of sad people on this board. I was never able to relate to suicidal people and chalked it up to clinical depression. I can certainly relate now. Life is hell. My desire to end my life comes from the trauma of infidelity and abandonment (being far from home), and feeling that truly I will just be struggling for years and years. Always with this hole in my heart, the innocence shattered, the trust in life broken. I have seen men who were left by their wives - many are zombies. The things that have kept from trying are my children, my parents and friends, fear of the possible spiritual implications of suicide, and of course trying to override the biological instinct to survive. The downside about continuing on is that it is depressing as hell. Inside I am dying over and over again. I was on antidepressants for two months with mixed results. I am not currently in therapy but I have a support network of friends whom I can talk to about my troubles. Relief is only ever temporary. Suicide sounds more and more appealing. It is a real option, and I like that. Anyone in a similar situation?