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Cheated on, lied to, miscarried and done.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lost&failing, Feb 18, 2014.

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  1. Lost&failing

    Lost&failing New Member

    Over the last year my husband has had an online affair, begun obsessing over online gaming, lying to me every f***ing day and being generally dishonest...strike one. A few months ago I had a miscarriage at 9weeks and two days, which has left me broken and damaged, basically feeling as though I never want to have children, that I can't go through the baby section in any place without bawling it, can't even really talk about it without it f***ing up the rest of my day:..strike 2. Then there's failing at everything, constant disrupption of peace, being lied to, being treated as a worthless number, feeling like I really have no place anywhere, no significance, no importance. My family will be bummed but get over it, my friends will feel like sh** for a while but they too will move on, and I think my husband will barely notice (if I'm not inside his phone or another woman, he won't even acknowledge me)...but I think I'm done. I have thought about killing myself every day for the past three months. I am getting to the point where it's just certain. I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest... I think I just want to say this without anyone giving me self righteous bull**** about how it's not worth it, think about others, think about how you will be found... I don't care anymore. The only thing stopping at the moment is my fear of going to hell. I stupidly walked away from God when I had the miscarriage...and I'm losing grip on any kind of spirituality I once had. But I am terrified of hell. That's all... But I'm getting to breaking point where it may not be enough anymore to scare me away from suicide. I has failed at everything else in life. I am over weight, I am in a marriage with a man who despises me (honestly not his fault, I am not who I used to be.. Neither is he.) failing at Uni, in a job going no where, in a house I can't stand, in massive debt, losing my sh** every day. I'm done... I want to know the best way to end it where I can feel like I'm finally succeeding at something. Because truth be told, this is f***ed.
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    I can't really suggest to you Lost&Failing methods of suicide as this is a crisis forum

    But give us a chance & we will try to support you


  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    hi there,sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. no-one here is going to help you die but please stay as this site is a great source of support to a lot of people and can be to you too. :hug:
  4. mark b

    mark b Well-Known Member

    Sorry you are in such a bad place right now. There is much for you to deal with and belive it or not you have already started to succeed.

    You done that as soon as you posted here. You have been very clear on what is concerning you. Not blaming one thing or another. Just very clear these horrid setbacks have brought you to us.

    People will offer you support and give some suggestions of help.

    Can i suggest you let your doctor know how you feel. Talk to the midwife or her aftercare team as they will be more than pleased to chat with you.

    Your husband needs to be aware too, in case he is missing or avoiding the issues. Then you can decide how you want the marrige to go.

    That should be enough for now. Do try to look at everything from a slightly different way and you will get there.

    Ask and post again please. We do care.
  5. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Just want to say hun that walking away from God can be remedied, it totally can because of his great love for you - you've acknowledged your part in the walking away bit, but the door is always open from God's side - as hard as it is for us to get our heads around that sometimes - He doesn't deal with us like other ppl do if/when we upset them. Remember the story of the prodigal son and how the father looked out for him every day, hoping for his return? We can be that prodigal - and all we have to say is sorry and that we want the relationship to be restored - PM me ifyou'd like - my story is one of havingbeenrescued frm horridstuff )
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