Over the last year my husband has had an online affair, begun obsessing over online gaming, lying to me every f***ing day and being generally dishonest...strike one. A few months ago I had a miscarriage at 9weeks and two days, which has left me broken and damaged, basically feeling as though I never want to have children, that I can't go through the baby section in any place without bawling it, can't even really talk about it without it f***ing up the rest of my day:..strike 2. Then there's failing at everything, constant disrupption of peace, being lied to, being treated as a worthless number, feeling like I really have no place anywhere, no significance, no importance. My family will be bummed but get over it, my friends will feel like sh** for a while but they too will move on, and I think my husband will barely notice (if I'm not inside his phone or another woman, he won't even acknowledge me)...but I think I'm done. I have thought about killing myself every day for the past three months. I am getting to the point where it's just certain. I don't know why I'm writing this to be honest... I think I just want to say this without anyone giving me self righteous bull**** about how it's not worth it, think about others, think about how you will be found... I don't care anymore. The only thing stopping at the moment is my fear of going to hell. I stupidly walked away from God when I had the miscarriage...and I'm losing grip on any kind of spirituality I once had. But I am terrified of hell. That's all... But I'm getting to breaking point where it may not be enough anymore to scare me away from suicide. I has failed at everything else in life. I am over weight, I am in a marriage with a man who despises me (honestly not his fault, I am not who I used to be.. Neither is he.) failing at Uni, in a job going no where, in a house I can't stand, in massive debt, losing my sh** every day. I'm done... I want to know the best way to end it where I can feel like I'm finally succeeding at something. Because truth be told, this is f***ed.