cheated on my boyfriend with 3 different men

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregisterecheater:(, Apr 22, 2011.

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  1. hi, I need some advice. I was unhappy in my relationship a few months back and cheated on my boyfriend 3 times, i feel awful about this now, how can i get rid of the feelings of guilt? i cant tell my bf because he is too unstable.
     
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    By never doing it again.
    Words are easy, actions much harder.
    When you remain loyal only then can you say you have changed.
    You can hold your own heart too.
    As far as your boyfriend goes.................... we are all different, i couldn't stay quiet forever.
    But some can.
     
  3. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    you feel awful because you feel guilty. guilt can eat you up, but you need to understand why you feel guilty. the only reason to tell your bf, with or without his own issues is to rid your feelings of guilt. you cant pass your guilt on...if it was a one off...ok...but 3 times...personally i think you want to tell him as a way to pass on your own guilt and blame him. look at you and your relationship. do you want to continue it, did that make you cheat 3 times. its hard to live with a depressive, but do not try and justify your indiscretions with their depression, its not fair. sorry if i sound harsh...but i doubt his depresssion made you cheat, you can walk away...but you stayed and cheated again...so first of all...look in the mirror and ask yourself if you can be faithful to anyone, or maybe your current guy (depressed or not) is not the one for you.
     
  4. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    I agree with IceQueen. Vow to stay faithful and don't tell him or decide to leave if you can't stay faithful.
     
  5. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    The truth shall set you free. He was wronged. He at least deserves the dignity of not being treated like a fool by you not telling him about your transgressions.
     
  6. jota1

    jota1 Well-Known Member

    True but she will loose him.
    Cheat once and it can be a mistake, twice and its barely forgivable but three times can only mean one thing, she does not care for the guy and there cant really be any type of affection.


    My take on the subject.........
    Just end the relationship, dont say anything and leave the guy in his blissful ignorance and without destroying his mind.
     
  7. foreverforgotten

    foreverforgotten Well-Known Member

    I agree with the perrson above me.
    He's depressed. He doesn't need to know that.
    Its going to make it so much worse. Just don't tell him
    And leave him. You should leave him if your not satisfied with
    Him. If you were you wouldn't have been with 3 other guys.
    I personally wouldn't forgive someone cheating on me
    Even once. I think its doubtful it will turn out well if he knew anyways.
     
  8. Escapist

    Escapist Well-Known Member

    Despite the instability of your boyfriend, he deserves to know the truth. Imagine if he heard it from someone else? That would make things way worse, than if you told him what you did yourself. You can't expect your boyfriend to stay with you or not be affected by that which you did. Relationships don't survive if there isn't proper communication.

    You can keep silent and hope he never finds out, or you could just face him and tell him the truth. Imagine being in his position, which would you prefer? Truth, or lies?
     
  9. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    You should apologize for what you did, tell him you know you aren't expected to be forgiven, and then let him be unless he contacts you. It's just being courteous, really.
     
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Cheated on him with 3 different guys? Wow, you're lucky to still have a boyfriend.
     
  11. icequeen

    icequeen Well-Known Member

    yup and i disagree that you tell him, he doesnt need another reason to be depressed, spare his feelings, and break up gently taking all the blame (which is yours anyway). you clearly dont care for him so dont waste his time and yours and finish the relationship kindly.
     
  12. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    Well, it happens, and I suppose you should at least get tested for STDs as condom or not - there is still plenty of other ways to catch something.

    As for telling your boyfriend, maybe you ought to pick a time to do so. If you want to keep this a secret then its your prerogative. Trouble is - what is to stop you doing it again?

    Is it booze that fuels these little misadventures?

    Also, in my area - you'd not keep something like that a secret. Were did you meet these other men - and do other people who know your boyfriend frequent the same place?

    Friend of mine who went to some pub 30 miles or more from his home, ended up being wooed by this delightful young lady - but he was married and upon walking out he was met by a friend of the girlfriend who grabbed his arm and shouted 'were are you going?'

    He went back inside the pub - caught red handed!

    As for the truth setting you free - I guess in the end, a lie just leads to another lie and soon enough you are lying to a lot of people and using cover lies to cover up other lies. As a former liar I know all too well how liars almost always end up caught out.

    Thing is you have not lied so far as he has not asked.

    IF you think this boyfriend is someone you love - and someone you really want to be with - then at some point maybe you'll have to say you cheated at some point. If the cheating was not some romance - its possible a man or woman can forgive that.

    A one night stand can mean nothing. It's a basic connection on a level that is far removed from romance or love.

    I guess if I loved a woman that strongly, I could maybe forgive a betrayal of that level. After all, forgiveness is forgiveness.

    Even so a line has to be drawn - and its up to you to do that. Be honest with yourself - if you do not love this man - don't think that because he has depression that means you need to nurse him or help him get over things.

    If you love him, you'll be thinking of marrying him. Or at least living together.

    I think you either jump in with both feet or not at all.

    Good luck - I'm not judging you - you'll do that yourself and likely already feel bad about things.
     
  13. leedslad

    leedslad New Member

    Heyy, Im in a similar situation, Iv been with my gf for 3 years and cheated on multiple occasions, but I love her and couldnt be without her, but I know im going to cheat again and Iv just decided that if im dead then I can solve it
     
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