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Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by ChelseaX, Apr 9, 2008.

  1. ChelseaX

    ChelseaX Guest

    I just found out my bf cheated on me coz i didnt want to sleep with him yet :sad: im so upset i feel so bad :sad: i feel like i want to die :sad: sorry for botherin every1
  2. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    you're not bothering anyone, sweety. I hope you dumped his ass because 1) he CHEATED on you and 2) he BLAMED YOU for it. Do you really want to be with somone who won't take responsibilty for his actions, and cares more about getting laid then he cares about you? It wouldn't matter if you two had slept together or not, he still would have cheated on you, and his reason would have been that you two don't have sex often enough. I hope you respect yourself enough to date someone who loves you and respects you.
  3. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are early in the relationship in which case he shouldn't even be pressuring you. you really need time to get to know each other first and if one person isn't ready then the other person should respect that. I'm not saying sex isn't important in a relationship but early on it shouldn't be such a big focus. That's just manipulation. You should never be pressured into sex.
  4. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Men want sex and they will trample over the feelings of anyone to get it, they're pieces of shit, by and large

    *edit* - If he ever comes crawling back, he is going to send you the prettiest, flower-covered bullshit you've ever seen. Don't fall for it, tell him to go fuck himself and climb a wall of dicks.
  5. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    be fair now, women can be sex obsessed and cheat as well.


    to the op, empty words I know, but that pain will pass in time.
    and I agree with everyone else, you should dump him.
  6. famous.last.words

    famous.last.words Forum Buddy

    hun, im so sorry you where hurt by this guy, but everyone is right. you did the right thing and he is the asshole. dont let it hurt you
  7. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Exactly, except for the comment on sex obsession... there is nothing wrong with sexual obsession; I, for one, am as sex obsessed as one gets, and I would never even think of thinking of being unfaithful. I also really think that those who are unfaithful should die, although, of course, it depends on how the relationship was... such as if the one being cheated on is a horrible person.

    Obviously, I agree with the others, by the way, that you should end the relationship immediately. Don't stay with that piece of shit, whatever you do.
  8. ChelseaX

    ChelseaX Guest

    he has already tried :blink:
  9. Smythe

    Smythe Well-Known Member

    lol, I stand corrected.
    although to be honest I didn't mean to imply that those two things go hand in hand, but it does read like that.
  10. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    Yeah. But how often to you hear tales of aggressive, sex obsessed women taking advantage of men? (by 'advantage of' I mean rape/forceful imposition). Very rarely. Stupid double standards. Women should be able to fuck like crazy with whomever without having to feel whorish like men can.
  11. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Yeah, actually assumed that was the case, but still, I just had to point out that sexual obsession doesn't have to be bad in any way at all; it can, in fact, be the exact opposite, which is why I had to stand up for whoever feels the way I do... more stigma on something that can be thoroughly beautiful is undesireable.
  12. Hae-Gi

    Hae-Gi Banned Member

    Maybe the promiscuity among men should be lowered, instead.
  13. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I don't even think that is possible without imposing more moral-based standards on people that already repress people and cause them to act the way they do (rape, sexual assault). Repression isn't an excuse, but I don't think anyone is going to deny that it DOESN'T motivate some of those actions.

    I think it is pretty clear that women are on the unfair end of the promiscuity stick here and that they need to be afforded the same sexual freedom that men enjoy.
  14. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I just read all of your posts, Hae. I agree with you and have this to say:

    Is, in my opinion, the wrong way to go about things as it cannot be done without doing this:
    which was also the point of my previous post.
  15. whybeherenow

    whybeherenow Active Member

    I am afraid I have to agree with you - and I am a gay male. Things I have seen people do just for sex are pretty appalling. A friend cheating on his wife for years for example, before telling her he was leaving her. If he wanted to be elsewhere I think he should have left her first. How can you live with someone, have children with them, claim to love them, when your actions clearly demonstrate that you don't even have basic respect for them.

    The one thing about being gay that makes me the most bitter and twisted is not hatred from other people, but knowing how many married men, & men with girlfriends have sex with other men. They all lie for each other. It is sickening. That they care so little about the possible effect this will have on their wives/girlfriends if they find out, is pathetic. My friends wife is crushed.

    I have to add something that is not going to be well received. We all know that sex is essential to most men, so frankly if you are with someone but not having sex with them, then you can't realisitically expect them to be faithful. It's a harsh fact of life. Most if they are not getting it from you, will get it elsewhere. No, I am not suggesting that you give in and have sex with them anyway. I am saying that expecting them to go without is unrealistic.

    Although I have tended to agree that mens excuses for their behaviour, are just that, excuses, they need it. I am abnormal in that most of the time I can live without it. But when I am frankly gagging for it, I remember that most men feel like this all the time. Withholding sex from them is a form of cruelty. I am being serious. I repeat - most need it.

    Frankly, I think sex is pretty much the only thing that compels most men to get into relationships.
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    you should dump him! any guy that cheats becuase you didnt want to have sex yet is an asshole, you deserve better!
  17. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    I agree with you for the most part, although I do think age should be taken into account. If you and your other are 16, I do think its realistic to expect the other to be faithful, even if the two of you aren't sexualy active.

    Ah, but I do have to say that I don't agree that its cruel to not have sex with your other.
  18. whybeherenow

    whybeherenow Active Member

    I am not over-sexed, I can go without. My point is that for most men, that I know, they can't go without. It is as primal a need to them as food. Yes I know people can live without sex, and not without food. What I am trying to say is that the intensity of male desire means they can and will do anything for it. Ruin families, betray countries, murder, you name it, all because of sexual desire.

    I don't want to indulge in gender stereotypes, but women think it is okay to expect intimacy, commitment, communication etc etc, as being essential in a relationship, but to men the sex is the essential! Personally I would be happy to have a hug buddy. But with most men if you don't do the job they will look elsewhere, period.

    I agree that expecting very young to be faithful without sex is unrealistic, but I would have to add that expect young men to be faithful in any circmustance is a bit of a fantasy. I would ask women reading this to put aside their own expectations and experiences, and observe the behaviour of men that they know well, relatives, friends etc. You will see that the majority get up to plenty of monkey business. One of the main reasons for men cheating is opportunity. They do it because they can! It's that simple.

    I would urge anyone in a relationship to discuss fidelity with their partners. Do not take if for granted. Make it clear what you want. However, please remember you do not have the right to tell someone else what they have to be to please or suit you. And if you do not want the same thing, don't expect him to change, walk away!
  19. Patch

    Patch Well-Known Member

    My dad, step-dad, brother, and uncles don't get up to 'monkey bussiness', so I really caution you against generalizations.

    I completly agree. Talk with you significant other about what each of you want out of your relationship. If you aren't compatible about the basics, don't try to change the other person, it isn't fair to anyone.
  20. whybeherenow

    whybeherenow Active Member

    Thank you for the caution about generalizations - a valid point. However, I used to believe that it was the minority that strayed, but I know now, that it is the majority.

    I know it's hard for people to acknowledge this. So much is hypocritical and false.

    I can only base my opinion on my own experience. It's the married/partnered men that are always on the lookout for a casual fling. And no, I don't cross that line, and never would.