Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by wheresmysheep, Jan 31, 2011.

  1. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    how can people NOT cheat?
    Like, if your around someone you want, and they proposition you, few drinks involved, how can they say no??
    Was said to me the other night that being with someone would stop them.. and i just dont get it, idk, i dont trust it, i dont understand it...
    Like if theyre someone they want, therefore are better than the person theyre with, or is waiting at home for them, why not go for it? i dont get it?
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Because when you love someone no one is better than the person at home.
  3. Domo

    Domo Well-Known Member

    I you have committed to someone then, that's all. Your word.

    A relationship you might be in could be worth more then what could be a one night stand.

    If you can't do it just let people know you are not monogamous ...simple.
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Personally i wouldn't out of pure respect for the person i am with. I know what that kind of betrayal feels like and i would never inflict that upon someone i cared for even if the oppotunity was there.

  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    No is not me doubting myself, tho i have slipped once.
    Its someone saying it to me.
    I just dont understand it... If there is someone infront of you, who gets you going more than the person you are committed to, and they are on a plate for you. why wont they act on it?

    Supposed i just dont trust people, nor am i willing to accept that someone wouldnt fuck me over??
  6. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    Good choice of words :lol:
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Casual sex vs. loving relationship... If you get found out on casual sex you lose loving relationship.

    For me it's a no-brainer, I'll take loving relationship.
  8. Montana

    Montana Member

    a year ago i had the chance to sleep with the girl i used to be in love when i was a teen, who i hadn't even kissed before. She asked me to go to bed with her. It was a dream come true.

    I said NO cause im with someone, even tho we were ultra drunk. Now she won't talk to me again. :S
  9. blue shoes

    blue shoes Well-Known Member

    How CAN they? Honestly, the fact that most people do cheat is just beyond my understanding. I can't imagine being able to do that to someone. And I'm not even a nice person. I guess this also has a lot to do with the relationship you're in, your current desires and expectations out of life, personality, level of maturity and what not, but honestly ... even if I didn't truly love the one I'm with, I would rather leave them than cheat on them. It's just so fucked up and rotten to cheat on someone. At least that's how I feel about the whole issue. I try to be open minded and look at things from other perspectives, but I just can't find excuse and understanding in me for such behavior. I accept people who cheat but I can't help but see them in a certain way.

    Personally, if I would want to fuck around, I either wouldn't commit, or would enter an open relationship or find myself someone with similar desires. If it's consented it's not cheating.
  10. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I am giving my two cents from the perspective of somebody in an exclusive, married couple for 8 years. You don't love a person because he/she is better than somebody else. You love the person because she/he is unique. As you mature, you learn to make the difference between love which lasts, and lust which is about instant gratification. The hallmarks of love, intimacy, trust, good communication, partnership, they are not given, you work at them. Hubby and I work every day to make a reality the vows we pronounced. And when your partner suffered from chronic depression, as I did, the promise of loving each other through health and sickness take a whole new meaning. So you don't cheat because your commitment and emotional investment weight more than a brief moment of fun.
    That being said, all cheating is not equal. IMO, you don't throw away your long term relationship over a one time fluke. :poo: I think people who've been together for a long time, who have a strong bond are more lenient over a one time deal "accident". If your partner comes to you and admit cheating once, you just get mad and work through it. I mean, your hubby or wife of 10 years was on a business trip for a few weeks, was tired, had a couple of drinks and just happened to stumble upon somebody who attracted them...The hormonal craze that you have when you fall in love last at best, two years. If you based your relationship on that, your screwed. Then comes a lifetime of caring for the kids, paying the mortgage, doing the dishes etc. Expecting that your partner will never be tempted again, will never look at anybody else than you for the next 30 years is a bit desilusional. You are very lucky couple if none of the partners never acted on his urges if the opportunities presented themselves. With that in mind, you put cheating in perspective. The lying is much worst than the act itself. But a pattern of betrayals or sleeping with somebody you got emotionally involved are different stories altogether, IMO.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 1, 2011
  11. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    IDK, i suppose in my mind its cause i dont think he truely loves me, or i wont allow myself to fully believe it. as whenever i allow myself to fall for that, i get fucked over...
    im just a big fecking mess.
    I dont want to doubt him, but its all i can do, becuase for him, i cant imagine id be the everything he wants. Other people, i can believe it, and believe i can be everything they want me to be, but him i cant. I just dont feel enough for him, i dont feel worthy, and so he will cheat cause there is so much better than me out there
  12. revoltra

    revoltra Well-Known Member

    I say if you have small thoughts like this. Why even tie yourself down to a longterm relationships when most of them end up badly. Your in your early twenties, i'm not even that.

    I think for me it's not about cheating or being faithful, cause I wouldn't do that if i was in a serious relationship. It's more about being ready for one. People my age (19-20) are already talking about how they wanna get married, settle down and make future plans. I don't wanna go near that. Dating is ok if it happens, making babies? Hell no!

    So to go back to your original question, take things slow and casual with whom ever your dating, that way you can explore and do whatever you want when you drink. I don't know how it is with you, but I have commitment issues and a very cynical view on Love and marriage in general.

    I think it's more about what relationship you want to be in, and not if you wanna cheat.
  13. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni


    Somebody who loves you is not looking at you with a yardstick, he is doing so with in mind that you are unique. That all your qualities, your quirks, you flaws are what make you exactly who you are. We don't love piecemeal.
  14. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    But im not the best he could get
    And i only want whats the best for him
  15. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni


    Its just not the way it works. Define best. We are all different. Comparing people just does not work, except for some pretty damn obvious flaws such as being a sociopath. You are the sum of you, and it is obviously what attracted him. Its not up to you to decide what attracts him and what is best for him. Your job is to be honest about who you are and then to accept or reject what he offers you.
  16. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni


    maybe the crux is that you are not ready for it. In that regard, you must respect yourself.
  17. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    If someone is going to cheat then their going to cheat. Nothing you can say or do can change that fact so why worry? if it happens then it happens, why worry about something that may never happen?
  18. The Scream

    The Scream Well-Known Member

    i love my girlfriend and i wouldn't WANT to cheat...
    it's easier said then done tho...

    we've been together for over 8 months...

    i think the main reason i haven't cheated was because im shy to talk to girls who are pretty... and i would never risk having sex with someone im not sexually attracted too...

    it's really bad i think this way, sadly, can't change how i feel...

    i think this makes me not monogamous... altho, i would never want to have an open relationship... i wouldn't want my girlfriend to have sex with someone else... that would really break me...

    wow, i sound selfish -__-"
  19. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    It's a no-brainer. If a person would prefer to be promiscuous without consequence, it would be better to get out of the "relationship" they're currently in, and be a bed-hopper freely, without strings attached, and without having to answer to anyone or break their trust. My personal belief is that betrayal is morally reprehensible, and cheating is the worst form of betrayal so it's not something I would support in any situation, no matter how dire.

    For the other thing, if you're in a relationship where you feel that you're not good enough for your partner and have no self-esteem, why be in a relationship anyway? That's a setup for disaster because you'd have no respect for yourself to know that you want to be treated well, instead of being someone's mere option.
  20. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    I do want to be treated well. I want to be with him because i love him, more than anything ever. he is my life, my family. he has saved me countless times.
    And thuis why i dont think (deep deep deep down) that i am his option cause he has stuck around through all this shite. but at the same time, i feel he looks at other girls and is only biding his time till someone comes along who he is a better fit with. :sad: