Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by UpForAbbey, Jul 11, 2008.

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  1. UpForAbbey

    UpForAbbey Guest

    Once again, I sit in front of the comment window wondering what the hell I actually have to say. The last four nights in a row, this window has been open, and I try and try again to find the words but I just can't.
    I'm trying harder and harder to isolate myself, to push people away. It's taking every ounce of my courage just to talk to and be around people. All I want to say is "leave me the hell alone". I want to be alone. My sisters are always here lately, and it makes it so hard to do anything. Last night, I cut, the first time in a while. I was actually doing really really well, and I blew it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I want to push people away, but I know those are the times when I need people the most.
    I have these really intense urges to hurt myself, and they're getting harder to resist and harder to ignore. I find it really really hard to talk about it. I'm also finding it really hard to find words. Two of my good friends have gone through a lot in the past two-three days, and all I can do is sit back and send them little images of hugs and kisses etc. I feel awful. When I'm down, those two in particular are the ones to cheer me up, and I have no idea how to reciprocate. Life isn't fair.
    I've given myself ten days to take care of 'my little problem' myself, but if things don't get better, I've promised several people that I would go check in. So if I disappear before the 21st, I'm probably in the hospital. Or I've succeeded. :unsure:

  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    I know you feel like isolating, but don't let yourself Abbey. Even if it means making phone calls and just talking with friends. It doesn't have to be about anything in particular just general conversations. Please choose to go to the hospital over harming yourself if it gets to that point. I wish to see you remain safe. :hug:
  3. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    Abbey :cheekkiss

    You know where I am if you need me, anytime. :hug:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Abbelicious honey
    you know where to find me if you need to talk. You don't need to isolate yourself. Maybe you need time to figure out your head but you don't need to go hiding from people that care about you. I know it's hard sometimes to let the words out as to how you feel. When you're ready to truly vent know that I'm here to listen and try and help.
    Love you girlie. :hug:
  5. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni


    I've sat here for awhile wondering what i could possibly say to make this any better and so far i've come up with nothing apart from say that im here when ever you need me. I know you don't open up as much to me as you do to other people but i want you to know that you can talk to me about anything. You've been there a lot for me recently and i wanna be able to return that. I really hope that im someone who can cheer you up, even if its sending you pics of giraffe pictures :tongue: You know where i am if you need to talk about ANYTHING.

    Loves ya x
  6. patacake

    patacake Well-Known Member

    hey abbey

    im so sweetie , u are feeling so bad , those are scary feelings that keep u rooted to a spot . Dont shy away from everything take the tiniest steps , come into chat at least u r talking there , text ur friends , when i cant talk i try and text at least , or if and hopefully when u feel stronger hunni call s friend just one a day if u can and ask that one to tell others u are thinking of them.

    add me to msn if u want to chat , i m here for u :hug: i hope so much that the open window will kindly let in some light to show u the way

    love strength and hugs

    Jo xx
  7. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    You want to isolate yourself but it's important that you don't, it's the depression talking. You don't need to talk about anything deep, just general chit chat to keep the lines of communication open. If you isolate yourself you'll probably end up feeling more alone and more down within yourself. Feel free to drop me a line if you'd like to talk anytime. :hug:
  8. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    I hope you don't succeed, hope you don't succeed. Pick yourself up and try again.
  9. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You said you are leaning more towards isolation. Beleive me you want to avoid that if you can. Stay active, even if you have to go outside by yourself. I telling you this because I am An isolationist. I have been locked up in my bedroom for fourteen years. The only time I come out is for appointments, to smoke because my sister won't let me smoke in the house, or to make myself something to eat. The rest of the time I am in my bedroom. It affects my daughter because she thinks I am ignoring her. I have told her repeatedly that it isn't her, it's me. I just have stagnated for so long that I don't have anything to say.
    I wish you the best!!:chopper:!!
  10. Spikey

    Spikey Senior Member

    Abbey :sad: :hug: ty for talking to me the other night sweetie :hug: :hug: you an angel, and you'd better take care of yourself & keep safe okay honey? am always here to talk if you need it :hug:
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