Child shoved in the middle

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by PandorasToybox, Aug 7, 2009.

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  1. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    So my parents recently split, & my dad is moving out...into my apartment, which is a TINY bachelorette apartment. There's barely enough room for one person, let alone two.

    Now my parents pay for the apartment, so I can't say "No you can't stay here", but a) My mom now feels I favor my dad, b) Theres not enough room c) I need my space d) Its too much for me to be put in the middle when I'm getting better.

    I'm just starting to go back into school, I don't need the stress & I sure as hell can't be sleeping on a small couch while I already have arthretis in my back & hips. I offered to go stay at a friends place, but they assure me this arrangement will only last a few MONTHS.

    I can't do this, I can't be crammed into this small space & be stuck in between their feud ...
     
  2. Madison_Rose

    Madison_Rose Active Member

    Oh, my heart goes out to you. My parents split when I was 13, and it was horrible. They, and the rest of the family, stopped acting like adults and started acting like selfish a**holes, and they treated me like a thing to be fought over, instead of the hurt, confused child that I was. In the end I cut my dad out and didn't speak to him. it was a terrible shame, mostly for him, but it was the only way I could cope, and their awful feuding left me with no other option. I got back in touch with him when I was 19 and independant, and we rebuilt a decent relationship.

    I think your idea of staying at a friend's place is a good one. Do what's best for YOU, don't worry about them. Your needs should come first. Your parents made this mess, they should be sorting it out, none of it is your responsibility. People tried to tell me a similar thing when i was 13, but it didn't go into my head, because I was so worried about huring my parents, and desperate to remain loyal to both of them, although they were making that impossible for me.

    If I were in your shoes, I think I'd tell my Dad he could stay in my apartment for, oh, maybe 4 weeks tops, while I stayed with a friend. I'd tell him to find his own damn appartment asap, too.

    Sorry if this turned into a bit of a rant about my own probs - you can tell I'm still bitter, can't you? ;) Good luck, anyways.
     
  3. Tray

    Tray Well-Known Member

    i dont think u have much of a say in it all.. like you said they are paying for your apartment so in all actuality its theirs. well all you can do at this point other than going to a friends house is telling them about how you feel about the situation.. its very important that you do that.
     
  4. christian_1990

    christian_1990 Well-Known Member

    only a FEW MONTHS? LOL...i feel srry for you
     
  5. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Thanks for finding this funny Christian_1990

    Even though they are paying, if I said no they would probably listen (long story behind that whole situation) but I don't want to cause them anymore stress than they already have.

    I'll probably just go stay elsewhere for awhile till they figure things out. My dad apparently is thinking about moving out of town sooo hopefully they'll get their stuff straightened out asap.
     
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    It is so wrong for parents to make their kids choose sides but unfortunately it is the nature of the beast in most seperations. I think because they are loosing one another they dont want to be left completely alone so they try to hold on to everyone else they can. As for your Dad, paying for the apartment or not.... your parents were and are renting it for YOU! You need to tell him you have your life and need it very badly right now. He is welcome to stay for "x" amount of time but he has to find his own place because this arrange will be too stressful for everyone. In the mean time yes stay at a friends place so that you can both keep your wits about you and remain friends.
     
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    I don't feel you have that obligation even though your parents are paying for it. It is your place - they gave it to you... They're basically degifting it.
     
  8. PandorasToybox

    PandorasToybox Well-Known Member

    Exactly. Its not a matter of just wanting my own space but needing it right now. I think there is still so denial of the situation on my moms part.

    Its hard too because I have lots of family & family friends coming to me saying "Oh we seen it coming" or "Its time it finally happened" well as someone who actually sees them & watches how they interact I can say that no, it wasn't a long time coming. I just found it inappropriate for them to be telling me these kind of things when clearly its none of their business.
     
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