Childhood friend disregarded me. My own fault :(

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by thebaronspell, Oct 29, 2010.

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  1. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    This might be rather difficult to comprehend but my 'friend' whom I've known since school recently gave birth to twins. We haven't met up with each other for the last three years and barely speak to one another because I got involved and informed her that her new buddies were using her and she knows I'm great for judging people straight off so she didn't like me telling her to stay clear of these people.

    Well three weeks ago having not spoke to her apart from the odd brief hello on facebook she posted a status saying she had given birth to a pair of twin girls. She was like the sister I didn't really have to be honest so it was a big shock that she had just given birth seeing as she kept this underwraps from so many people for so long. Apart from a select few she didn't include me in her list of people to share the joy with and the sad thing is the person who got her pregnant did a runner and was one of the people I warned her to stay clear from. What upsets me the most is that we live down the road from eachother yet she advoids me for being honest and damn right correct. It hasn't kicked in yet but once she uploads some pics online I'll be pretty low.
     
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Can you talk to her about how you feel?
     
  3. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Don't think I can to be honest. I bumped into her best friend a couple of years ago and found it hard to speak to her so it looked like I was being disrespectful as I was sat in the same room with her for like an hour and spoke a few words. We were close at school but it always felt like I was an outsider of their bond. I went to the same college as her and we were always finding it hard to make conversation in the mornings. Regarding my friend who gave birth recently she thinks I don't like her friend and everyone else she knows but I just find it all akward tbh.
     
  4. Mayuna

    Mayuna Member

    In my opinion I don't think that she deserves your friendship. This may sound a bit harsh but if she couldn't see that you were just doing what a good friend does and try to help her then it's her loss not yours. I know it may not feel that way but it is the truth.
     
  5. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    Everybody else also says this so I can't argue with them. I sound like I'm fighting a losing battle by holding onto the past and a once great friendship but I feel guity because I wasn't around to stop the people I warned her off. I didn't try hard enough to look after her.
     
  6. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I'm sorry that you're going through such a hard time. This situation is bound to have upset you and seeing photo's of the babies will make it even more difficult.
    I don't think you should blame yourself in any way though. I want you to think for a moment about your friend. You warned her what would happen and you were right. Now she's got two children to look after and a partner who's done a runner. She probably can't face you.
    Having to admit that you've made a mistake which has such life changing consequences isn't easy. Having to face the person who tried to pursuade you not to go there is harder still. Try to have some patience with her, she's got a lot to learn in life. (Don't we all!)

    You're not responsible for her, what made you think you were? She has to make her own mistakes in life and that's what she's done. That's nothing to do with you. Is she responsible for the mistakes you make in life? Don't expect so much from friendships. People grow apart naturally. When the time is right, you'll be friends again.
    Just send her best wishes, tell her that you're delighted about the babies and she's lucky to have the joy of them and that you're there if she ever needs someone to talk to. Then get on with your own life.
    Sending lots of hugs x
     
  7. thebaronspell

    thebaronspell Well-Known Member

    I said something very silly and inappropriate to her new friends and when she found out she didn't approve of my lies. She doesn't talk to them anymore either but the people she befriended in the months after have treated her even worse and I didn't do nothing. She fell pregnant with one of them and somehow I know I'm to blame.
     
  8. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Is this making you feel guilty in some way? You don't need to feel guilty. We all do stupid things now and again. Don't be worrying about it.


    She has her own lessons to learn in life. You are not her mother.


    How can you possibly be to blame? When was it announced that you are a form of contraception?
    Please, stop beating yourself up about this situation. It's out of your control and it's not your responsibility anyway.
     
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