They gave me a choice and a bad choice I made. You see I have asthma and nothing was working. They said (the dr's) said take steroids and you can breath. "but dr they send me into depression. Mental health is not covered in my health insurance." I tried to tell them and I am alone. No one will listen. So I caved in like I always do. I started taking them. Before I was getting by. Now I can not see any hope of anything. I cant seem to care about living or dying. I know this is wrong. I KNOW I should care but I feel dead inside. I cry because I know what is coming. The darkness. I tell myself I can make it. I will survive. Think about all those you would leave behind. The ones that care and love you. I know this but it is so hard. The pain gets so bad and there is no exscape. Tonight I know I will be "safe" as there is an open house at my place I can't cancle. Maybe that will get me over the bad part. Maybe tomorrow will be better. I just forget sometimes. I have a hard time remembering that life is worth living. I know it is but trying to remember is hard. With the remembering comes the pain. Why dose living have to hurt so bad?