I'm so sick and tired of my life. Tired of the pain, of not being able to walk properly, of feeling sick all the time. Tired of going through everything alone cos I'm too scared to trust anbody. Tired of the lies I've been told, of never being good enough, of always running everything over in my head to make sure I'm doing the right thing and not hurting anyone and yet still managing to fall short. How much is one person reasonably expect to take before they break? I can't talk about all of it here, I'm too scared of being vulnerable. And too scared that if I shouted out for help and begged for somebody to listen to me there'd be no one there. I want to believe that the people who know me could honestly say that I've made their lives better in some way, but there's always doubt there. I don't think I'll ever be able to trust in anything, or ever be really good at something, or ever be truely important to someone. There's no point to my existance, there's no point to anything. Everybody dies. I just want to be able to choose how and when I die, not die in pain alone and forgotten. I just wanna slip away quietly and peacefully, knowing that I did the best I could. I've always tired my hardest, this is it, I've got no more to give. I'm exhausted, wiped out, done with it. I'll carry on, I'll keep hiding all of it. Until I fall so hard I can never get back up. It's better to die now, at least I'll be my choice. I'm pointless, my life is pointless. If my death is the only thing I have control over then I want use that control and die while it's still my choice. But of course, I'm just whining and I'll be fine. Finey fine. Yup.