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Christmas almost here.. now what?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Jacob1973, Dec 10, 2009.

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  1. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I guess that Christmas is almost here. I said a year ago that I would be surprised if I lived to Christmas 2009, and yet somehow I am still here. I hate my life, and half the time I catch myself just staring into space, even at work. I hate my life! I hate my life! I hate my life!

    2000 miles from anyone I know, I hate my life!

    Deeply in debt and barely paying the bills, I hate my life!

    Having to sue an idiot who basically stole my house. Cant just give it back to the bank because it would financially hurt my parents who were trying to help me on it. I hate my life!

    Working a job that I have to always look over my shoulder and wonder if a boss is nearby to fire my butt for a simple forgeting of the 2000+ pages of rules I have to follow every second of every day! I hate my life!

    Never having had a girlfriend, nor had a close relationship in my entire life, and yep, I am still a virgin! I hate my life!

    Financially destroyed from this economy! I hate my life!

    Poor grades in school, and no way of finishing my degree for a better job! I hate my life!

    Oh and did I say that I hate my life?!!! :mortdesinos:
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    It's no big deal if you are a virgin, that's all I can add :)
  3. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Yah.. at 36? Statically speaking, Im less than 3% of the population. So to me, its a big deal!

    ODIECOM Well-Known Member

    it sounds like theres some changes to be made. changes for the better. your the only one that can control your happiness.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    How did someone steal your house??Have you thought about moving closer to your parents..It sounds like they love you and would help you relocate..I noticed you move around alot.. At 36 you need to settle down somewhere..Your at the age where you need the stability. You also need to start thinking about a retirement plan..I hope this didn't sound to harsh.. I use to move alot in my younger days but always eneded back up here in Florida because my family is here..Good Luck!!
  6. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I have no choice right now. I am moving around alot because my job keeps cutting jobs in various areas of the country. I have to go where I can work for my company. I am worried about taking unpaid leave for a few months, which is what I would have to do if I went back home.

    The legal stuff started today concerning my house. But it is an incredibly slow process. I am really sure I will win cuz this guy has no case of defence on what happened. I cant really say too much more right now.
  7. happiness

    happiness Member

    I feel you bro, nearing my birthday and still remain a virgin, no gf ever, no kiss, no friends, no money, no job, soon to be bankrupt. I know it hurts but may comfort you in knowing you aren't alone in this situation. The only advice I can give is to hang in there, things may get better.
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Jacob,
    Sorry I wasn't trying to be sarcastic.. I was only trying to give you ideas..I hope things go in your direction!! Are you going home for the holidays?? If I don't talk to you sooner have a Merry Christmas..Take care!!
  9. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I have my court date on Jan 5th. I need to fly home, but am not sure if I can afford the $700 round trip. With attorney fees, rent, etc etc, I just dont know if I got the money. Then again, I cant let this legal issue to persist. I cant afford my house, but cant give it back to the bank until its resolved either... Im so badly stuck right now....

    The only thing that has made me hold off suicide is the fact that I dont want my parents burdened with this legal mess I put them and me into. Quite frankly, I said in may that I didnt expect to be around for christmas..........:dry:
  10. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    and.. Quite frankly, I am just so ready to end my life!:sad:
  11. jjjoooggg2

    jjjoooggg2 Well-Known Member

    I lived in Houston for about 2 years. What do you think about Houston besides your life?
  12. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    Im lost here. I dont know big cities, have hard time getting around, and cant even find a church to go to for services. So I am badly lost here. Everything is 10 miles apart, and gas costs a lot for me. So I tend to stay at my apartment near downtown, with nothing to do.

    I am also not use to the culture here. The hispanic and black cultures are very foreign to me, having grown up on/near an indian reservation (im anglo).
  13. Jacob1973

    Jacob1973 Well-Known Member

    I really wish I had moved to the Denver area instead of here.
  14. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Is there any chance your job could relocate you? You mentioned travelling around because of it. i have many friends that work in the oilfields that are constantly being shuffled around various parts of the country, depending on where the activity is. If you aren't happy with your job situation are you seeking employment elsewhere? The stress of wondering when you were going to forget a rule and be fired would make me miserable. The economy has been hard on many of us. Do the best you can to ride things out. Do what you can to change things one step at a time so you don't hate so many aspects of your life. You didn't think you would see Christmas 2009, but i believe you will, and since you made it this far, how about planning on seeing Christmas 2010?
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