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Christmas rant

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#1
I guess i could rant a bit. Felt really bad earlier. Suicidal. Self harmed a bit to get a rush. Slept, woke up. It is 3AM. Drinking tea and the radio just began throwing Nirvana at me. This reminds me of me 10 years ago. Not much has changed. Atleast i am not high on painkillers.
Its freaking Christmass. And here i am, contemplating my life yet again. As if i dont have 15 journals of pain and thoughts on my desk already. Maybe i think too much... ever since i woke up to what thil life is, i never stoped thinking. A lot of good has been discovered, but i learned that an untamed mind is, the ego, the beast can destroy you very quickly. Last year has been sad, very lonely and isolated. But i have learned a lot of things that have brought peace into my crippled heart.
...times like these u really appreciate what you have. I dont need presents of showers of comploments, in fact, dont. I just wish they would turn the hot water back on.

I am grateful for the warmth in my house, for a place to live. For the clothes I have and the body I can move. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for waht i have learned and how far i have come. I am grateful even about the fact that i still somehow love myself even though i feel like complete garbage. I am grateful for the colors and sounds, the music, the sky and the trees and stars and ability to create. For meeting kind strangers and people who saw through my wall of darkness and had faith in me when i didnt. I am grateful for this moment... as in this moment everything is enough and i am okay.

Feeling a bit better now.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#2
I'm glad to hear that you're seeing things a bit more clearly, now @IDontWantToDie ! :)

You've got a lot going for you, you really do. . . :^)

Just curious, what kind of tea were you drinking? I only started last year during winter, and pretty much have stuck with the same brand of greem (or is it, "Herbal?") tea. . ; )
 

KM76710

SWCA3110-SWHF625
SF Supporter
#3
Very glad to hear of your experiences with the kindness of strangers who have helped you and yes, this moment is what you live for before proceeding with the next. One step at a time, wishing you all the best.
 

IDontWantToDie

Well-Known Member
#4
I'm glad to hear that you're seeing things a bit more clearly, now @IDontWantToDie ! :)

You've got a lot going for you, you really do. . . :^)

Just curious, what kind of tea were you drinking? I only started last year during winter, and pretty much have stuck with the same brand of greem (or is it, "Herbal?") tea. . ; )
Well... i drink all kinds of tea. I guess my fav is olong, but last night i was drinking black tea with berries.
Green tea is awesome. Lots of health benefits.
 

MisterBGone

o O Oo oO oOo O ooo..!;)~
SF Supporter
#5
Well... i drink all kinds of tea. I guess my fav is olong, but last night i was drinking black tea with berries.
Green tea is awesome. Lots of health benefits.
Oh, that sounds so delicious! Thank you, will have to try those out sometime. . . And you know, I was thinking about it--years ago, I think it was black tea that I only ever occasionally drank! Like maybe Earl Gray (grey?), or something like that: (but your's sounds spectacular!) :^) And berries, to boot... Who would've thought? Yes, I have heard of their health benefits. Which may have been in part what I was thinking of when starting this magnificent obsession, or casual pastime, depending on how you wish to consider it!! ;) Hope your day is going well. :)
 
#6
I am grateful for the warmth in my house, for a place to live. For the clothes I have and the body I can move. I am grateful for my health. I am grateful for waht i have learned and how far i have come. I am grateful even about the fact that i still somehow love myself even though i feel like complete garbage. I am grateful for the colors and sounds, the music, the sky and the trees and stars and ability to create. For meeting kind strangers and people who saw through my wall of darkness and had faith in me when i didnt. I am grateful for this moment... as in this moment everything is enough and i am okay.
That was really beautiful :)
 

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