Christmas sadness...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Metallica*Melinda, Dec 25, 2006.

  1. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    Its christmas yet again...
    So merry Christmas to all of you wonderful people...
    You dont have to read on as what I have to say will waste your time...


    Anyway, what I have to say is usually a waste of time...


    Infact Im the one who doesn’t matter, Im the waste of time. If I wasn’t here EVERYONE WOULD BE BETTER OFF.
    My sister said “All you ever do is watch TV, you’re a boring sister.”
    THANKS A LOT JAZMYN! I KNOW I DON’T MATTER YOU DON’T HAVE TO FUCKING REMIND ME!
    If I wasn’t here for Christmas I’d be on the streets like I usually am… and my dad would have more money to buy stuff for my sister…
    If I was dead, nobody would care… nobody would have to worry…
    Now I’m bringing a child into this world, how am I going to raise a child? HOW THE FUCK DO I DO THIS?
    I don’t know why but I feel worse about things now that Im pregnant. Maybe because I CAN’T die with this baby… I’ve lost the easy way out and now I can’t take it even if I NEED TO! Because I will have a baby to look after… I have to stay alive for my baby… from here on in my baby’s name is Hope, until its born I’ll be calling him/her baby hope….
    Anyway, why did this happen? I’m so grateful to Mr. Depressed for calling the cops on me so I could see, if I killed myself I woulda killed hope too… and that woulda been horrible… I don’t want to kill anyone with me… just myself. And now I’ll never be able to kill myself because I have to take care of hope… I have to…
    WHY THOUGH? Why should I live? I can’t bring a child as fucked up as me into the world… I can’t let a baby come into this world if they are going to have the same problems I’ve had… what do I do?
    I miss my friend, Mike, he told me not to call him anymore because I use drugs… BUT I QUIT NOW THAT IM PREGNANT… SO WHY CAN’T WE TALK MIKE??? WHY?!?!?!
    I miss Adrian, hopes daddy… he’s in jail because he had some warrants from 2 yrs ago that he completely forgot about… now he’s in jail… and when he gets out what the fuck is he going to think…
    Fuck it, I’m sooo close to just taking all those pills we have and ending my life… but I don’t want to…. Just for the baby. But I really want to… for myself…
    WHAT DO I DO… I feel like killing myself… I’m scared of killing myself, because that would kill MY CHILD! What do I do???
    I don’t want to end my childs life before it has even started, but things are so complicated… oh well…
    I hope nobody read this… its really stupid… oh well…
    I guess we’ll see if I can make it through today.. I have a feeling today is going to be hard… but it’ll only get worse…
     
  2. Sorrow

    Sorrow Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to let you know that someone is listening and your post is not stupid at all. You sound like you have a lot going on in your life. If you need someone to talk to I'm here. I hope things get better for you.
     
  3. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I like your avartar...
    Thanks for listening...
    maybe we could talk on msn one day...
    my msn is on my profile...
    Im going to go out for a smoke, I know I shouldn't be doing that but I am... and if your on msn when I get back then we'll talk.
    If u dont have msn thats okay too.