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Christmas SUCKS!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Metallica*Melinda, Dec 25, 2006.

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  1. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    I hate Christmas. I barely got anything, but that doesn’t bother me because at least I have had a warm place to sleep and food whenever I want for the last few days (due to the fact that Im homeless I usually don’t get much food or a warm place to sleep…) I also like the fact that I got a bunch of stuff that will be useful, like clothes, a whistle, flashlight and a bunch of lighters… that kinda stuff is useful on the streets.
    But either way, even if I got everything I wanted I’d feel exactly the same way… maybe even worse. Because I’m supposed to be happy that I’m home for Christmas, but I could care less. The new meds I’m on suck and my dad keeps telling me to take one whenever he thinks I’m acting ‘strange’. He tells me I’m not allowed on this site because it ‘triggers’ me… but it doesn’t trigger me… everything that has happened woulda happened anyway. I just want to go back to the bissel (a drop in center for homeless ppl that they go to during the day) and sleep. I’ve been so tired lately and sick, the pregnancy just doubles that….
    Now I can’t kill myself because I have a baby that I have to keep alive… if not for me, for my boyfriend/fiancé… I want to show him his baby when he deals with all his shit. I can’t die now… but I really want to just end my life. I don’t think it would matter to many people… but my fiancé would care if he found out I was pregnant with his child when I committed suicide.
    Anyway, as you can probably tell I’m stressed right now… but I’m more numb than anything, the meds make me more numb than anything else. And I could care less about anything.
    I found out my disorders are getting worse mainly the schizophrenia… and the paranoia… there’s other things but those two are the most bothersome, and at the moment they are the only ones I care to mention to make my post shorter because I know nobody will want to read all this shit.
    Anyway, I’ll try to stay alive, for my baby… I’m going to think of some names and make a post about my baby…
    I’m nine weeks right now… lets see how it goes… :smile:
  2. Jimmy_Boeboe!

    Jimmy_Boeboe! Well-Known Member

    Well I wanted to read and did.
    It is smart of you to hang in there for your baby and once it will be born you will find new hope to see your baby grow up, I am sure.
    I don't really know you, but this is all I can say.
    Good luck during the pregnancy.

    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 25, 2006
  3. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    thanks for the comment :)!
    I've thought of a few names...
    Baby names…
    Tyson- Firebrand or Son of Denis
    Blaze- fire
    Blake- Pale blond one or dark
    Adam- Of the Earth
    CALEB-Dog (Okay not so much the meaning but I like the name…)

    Angel - meaning- Holy messenger
    Hailey or Hailee-From the hay clearing

    Maria-Sea of bitterness (I like the name not the meaning… lol)
    Abby- Joy of the Father
    Summer- summer

    Those aren't my favorite names but I'll think of more, I just cant find the perfect name, I do like angel and Hailey for a girl...
    I also like Tyson and Blake... for a boy...
    Also Ryen... :smile:
  4. Jimmy_Boeboe!

    Jimmy_Boeboe! Well-Known Member

    Some very nice names, Melinda.

    I like Adam, Hailee, Angel, Emma and Abby a lot.:)
  5. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Mel I wanted also to read your whole post and I did:smile: ,no matter what you write I will alway's read.Your post was so touching and almost made me cry,don't worry not on a bad way just in a sorry way.Because I care and feel for you so much darl,please don't go anywhere stay for your baby at least and thing's can change.
    In term's of baby name's for boy I like Ethan,Tyler,Taylor,Tyson,Joshua,Daniel,Matthew,Nicholas, and for girls Jessica,Lisa,Emma,Stephanie,Amanda,Amy,Sarah.
  7. jobdone

    jobdone Member

    i‘m chinese,i agree with you,you must to be alive,for your baby\boyfriend and parents
  8. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    Hey there Melinda

    I don't care how long posts are..I will always read them. I am glad you want to stay alive for your baby. I like Ryen, Tyson and Angel...my favorites of what you wrote. I hope you are doing good with the pregancy, stress can be hard on you wile child bearing. Be safe and take care.
  9. itachi

    itachi Well-Known Member

    Heyh Melinda I know Christmas can really suck, but you just have to push through it.

    lol, Ive always liked the Tiffany and if i eva hav a daugter i think ill call her that, if i hav a son...., perhaps alex mayb? i dunno

    Sorry for rambling, i have nothing better to do,
    I like Emma and Adam out of the names you posted.

    Hope you are well, luv josh
  10. Metallica*Melinda

    Metallica*Melinda Well-Known Member

    hey everyone, just wanted to say im still here...
    And I thought of the names
    For a boy it will be
    Jayson Blake
    And a girl
    Hailey Summer

    but im not sure about the girls names yet...
    Thanks for the replies..
  11. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    Pretty names :) I hope you are taking care of yourself as best you can during your pregnancy. Will your family let you stay with them indefinitely now? THis could be a way for you to get your life back on reack, get off drugs, etc. I wish you all the best. By the way, I also like the name Emmanuelle (Emma, for short). It means God among us. Anyway, hope you feel better :)
  12. thecleric

    thecleric Guest

    We all thank God for the small things.

    Did the person who prescribed them know you're expecting? Not to worry too much--most modern antidepressants are acceptable during pregnancy if the mother would otherwise be in a bad state.

    That I can relate to (I have two kids). It doesn't get any easier emotionally after they're born, of course. Are you and your fiance lining things up for after the birth, or are you considering adoption? I have a few friends who've adopted kids, and I know they're enormously appreciative for the chance.

    Whatever you choose, you can't have Rosemarie. :) That's reserved for any daughter I might have.
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    It's true. A can be such a gift to those who cannot have children. I think adopted children are some of the most loved in the world.

    Rosemarie? Pretty name :)
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