I hate Christmas. I barely got anything, but that doesn’t bother me because at least I have had a warm place to sleep and food whenever I want for the last few days (due to the fact that Im homeless I usually don’t get much food or a warm place to sleep…) I also like the fact that I got a bunch of stuff that will be useful, like clothes, a whistle, flashlight and a bunch of lighters… that kinda stuff is useful on the streets.
But either way, even if I got everything I wanted I’d feel exactly the same way… maybe even worse. Because I’m supposed to be happy that I’m home for Christmas, but I could care less. The new meds I’m on suck and my dad keeps telling me to take one whenever he thinks I’m acting ‘strange’. He tells me I’m not allowed on this site because it ‘triggers’ me… but it doesn’t trigger me… everything that has happened woulda happened anyway. I just want to go back to the bissel (a drop in center for homeless ppl that they go to during the day) and sleep. I’ve been so tired lately and sick, the pregnancy just doubles that….
Now I can’t kill myself because I have a baby that I have to keep alive… if not for me, for my boyfriend/fiancé… I want to show him his baby when he deals with all his shit. I can’t die now… but I really want to just end my life. I don’t think it would matter to many people… but my fiancé would care if he found out I was pregnant with his child when I committed suicide.
Anyway, as you can probably tell I’m stressed right now… but I’m more numb than anything, the meds make me more numb than anything else. And I could care less about anything.
I found out my disorders are getting worse mainly the schizophrenia… and the paranoia… there’s other things but those two are the most bothersome, and at the moment they are the only ones I care to mention to make my post shorter because I know nobody will want to read all this shit.
Anyway, I’ll try to stay alive, for my baby… I’m going to think of some names and make a post about my baby…
I’m nine weeks right now… lets see how it goes… :smile:
But either way, even if I got everything I wanted I’d feel exactly the same way… maybe even worse. Because I’m supposed to be happy that I’m home for Christmas, but I could care less. The new meds I’m on suck and my dad keeps telling me to take one whenever he thinks I’m acting ‘strange’. He tells me I’m not allowed on this site because it ‘triggers’ me… but it doesn’t trigger me… everything that has happened woulda happened anyway. I just want to go back to the bissel (a drop in center for homeless ppl that they go to during the day) and sleep. I’ve been so tired lately and sick, the pregnancy just doubles that….
Now I can’t kill myself because I have a baby that I have to keep alive… if not for me, for my boyfriend/fiancé… I want to show him his baby when he deals with all his shit. I can’t die now… but I really want to just end my life. I don’t think it would matter to many people… but my fiancé would care if he found out I was pregnant with his child when I committed suicide.
Anyway, as you can probably tell I’m stressed right now… but I’m more numb than anything, the meds make me more numb than anything else. And I could care less about anything.
I found out my disorders are getting worse mainly the schizophrenia… and the paranoia… there’s other things but those two are the most bothersome, and at the moment they are the only ones I care to mention to make my post shorter because I know nobody will want to read all this shit.
Anyway, I’ll try to stay alive, for my baby… I’m going to think of some names and make a post about my baby…
I’m nine weeks right now… lets see how it goes… :smile: