Chronic Migraine Sufferer First Time Poster

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by BLUE BAT, Jul 5, 2015.

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  1. BLUE BAT

    BLUE BAT New Member

    Hi
    Blue Bat here and this is my very first time on any type of forum so please bear with me.
    My story.............
    I suffer from chronic migraines and depression.......
    But let me give you some background.
    I'm a 48 year old male living in England, married (although living separately), 5 (yikes!!!) children in total ageing from 13 to 25 and I have suffered migraines from the age of 13.
    The migraines have recently stepped up a notch and now not a day goes by when I am not in pain. A good day for me, on the pain scale from 1 to 10, would be a 4 on the pain scale. It unfortunately does not end there. I suffer from 3 or 4 different types of migraine plus neuralgia the Dr's say and linked with one type in particular type of migraine, this being Aura migraine, comes depression.
    For the past 13 months or so the pain has steadily been getting worse and worse and I have been gradually missing more and more time from work up to a point where my Doctor signed me off work 5 weeks ago. This brought on a lot of abuse from my work colleagues who believe I am faking every single minute of the pain and depression that goes with it and have made their feelings known verbally. I have had messages via facebook and xbox live. One colleague was even a close friend and yet he has become the most verbally abusive.
    As I mentioned earlier my wife and I live separately, this is in no small part due to the migraines. I am very difficult to live with as my migraines can last up to 5 days at a time and I can have one attack or more a week now. My wife works from home and for anyone to try to be constantly quiet all the time, let alone children, because someone is in bed for days on end with a bad migraine attack is next to impossible and it was just to much pressure on our marriage so we came to a compromise. This does however mean with my attacks currently we don't get to see each other sometimes for a few weeks.
    Living with chronic migraines, medically means 15 days per month of attacks minimum, is like living with a terminal illness which isn't killing you but is giving you such unbelievable pain every day. The pain is crushing, the meds aren't working, the depression is getting worse. I want to start cutting again. I feel so alone. I feel like there's no one out there who understands this pain. No one who feels what I'm going through. It hurts so much all the time. The pain doesn't leave me. Iv'e been searching to find someone who understands, but I can't find anyone. I'm all alone on this planet. The pain is so much every day. I'm not allowed pain killers only the ones prescribed and nothing works any more. I'm becoming quite desperate, there is no sunshine, there is only pain and darkness and gloom.
    I am due to see The London Neurological Hospital soon, but their assumption is medication abuse and that I need to see a Psychiatrist!!!
    Without even seeing me!!!
    Maybe I should abuse my meds and just say f*** 'em all!!!
    You know what.......... I HATE ME!!!
    Blue Bat
     
  2. Shadowlands

    Shadowlands Official SF Hugger Staff Alumni

    Sorry to hear you are in pain. :hug:
     
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I am on a certain med and cannot stop taking it as I get severe migraines as part of the withdrawal, it's hell. Suffering a minimum of 15 migraines a month sounds like hell on earth, I think you should wait and see what they say at the hospital and do not let them get away with assuming you are a drug abuser, tell them to their face that you aren't in a civilized manner. Just out of curiosity what are you taking for the pain? Does it help at all and a psychiatrist might be a good idea for the suicidal thoughts.

    Best of luck with the hospital and keep the chin up 'til then. :hugs:
     
  4. BLUE BAT

    BLUE BAT New Member

    Petal
    Thank you for your support. I take 4 Indometacin 50mg on a daily basis, as prescribed, just for continual daily pain. For the migraine attacks I either take a Naratriptan tablet or if I am likely to be sick I have to inject it.
    I have started seeing a counsellor as the depression is just getting too much and as it turns out I've been carrying around mental abuse from my mother from my childhood which the counsellor has unlocked. I nearly slipped the other night and I so desperately wanted to cut, just to feel something different. But I do have a lot of friends who do care and who I do rely on a lot.
    The friend who has most surprised me most turned out to be a friends daughter. She is 30 years my junior and unfortunately she suffers from epilepsy, but she has shown me the most support, understanding and maturity through out my troubles. And she doesn't judge.
    I am trying to cope and take each day as it comes, but each day just brings more pain and more pain brings more depression and so on.........
    Blue Bat
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Happy to talk if you like. I have dealt with very similar issues for years and been through the whole realm of migraine and pain meds. At this point have got the pain management end to a tolerable level so PM if you would like to talk about details. In the process of dealing with this have also dealt with family issue caused by it as well as suicidal thoughts.
     
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I had chronic migraines when I was younger. I would wake up with them at two or three in the morning. This would happen every other say for several months. They called them cluster headaches. It would recur year after year. Even when I was on vacation. Nothing helped. Not meds. Not biofeedback. I hated going to bed at night. When I woke up with one I just wanted to beat my head against a wall. They finally stopped. I don't know why. Then I would just get an occasional migraine. They were not quite as severe and I found that an ice pack on my head would help ease them a lot. But only if I caught them very early on.

    I do feel your pain. I hope they find something to help you as migraines are truly agonizing.
     
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