For about 6 years due to bad surgeries and other medical mistakes I have suffered more and more pain. The legal systems, disability and social services have blown me off. I called some Euthanasia groups and being in my 30s none would give me info saying they were for over 50 or older people with fatal illness. So having horrid pain 24/7 with no cure but that won't kill you directly is not worthy of escape it seems. People have this idea that if something is not fatal that it is bearable. And I even argue this false idea that severe pain is not fatal as it drives you to want out. I feel like I am going to be forced to use a method I am afraid of and don't want to because nothing comfortable and sure is available. My social situation prevents even using the most "palatable" of the options left because I have someone always bothering me. Why is it not ok for someone in massive physical pain to get released? Why would everyone FIGHT to keep me alive in horrid pain. It seems evil to me. So I cannot even talk to anyone in RL...they will just make it harder by forcing me to go to a ward or force more pills that wont fix the problem. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but FFS when can I put them aside and tend to the pain that I have to live with ALL the time when they don't. I have multiple issues...some that block the treatment of others...and there is no realistic chance I will have any kind of life. I have gotten and will get worse. Why won't they let me go? Tired of pain, tired of loss, tired of crying, tired of fighting.