Chronic severe pain with no cure

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by avp, Nov 26, 2010.

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  1. avp

    avp Member

    For about 6 years due to bad surgeries and other medical mistakes I have suffered more and more pain. The legal systems, disability and social services have blown me off.

    I called some Euthanasia groups and being in my 30s none would give me info saying they were for over 50 or older people with fatal illness. So having horrid pain 24/7 with no cure but that won't kill you directly is not worthy of escape it seems. People have this idea that if something is not fatal that it is bearable. And I even argue this false idea that severe pain is not fatal as it drives you to want out.

    I feel like I am going to be forced to use a method I am afraid of and don't want to because nothing comfortable and sure is available. My social situation prevents even using the most "palatable" of the options left because I have someone always bothering me.

    Why is it not ok for someone in massive physical pain to get released? Why would everyone FIGHT to keep me alive in horrid pain. It seems evil to me. So I cannot even talk to anyone in RL...they will just make it harder by forcing me to go to a ward or force more pills that wont fix the problem.

    I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but FFS when can I put them aside and tend to the pain that I have to live with ALL the time when they don't. I have multiple issues...some that block the treatment of others...and there is no realistic chance I will have any kind of life. I have gotten and will get worse. Why won't they let me go? Tired of pain, tired of loss, tired of crying, tired of fighting.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 26, 2010
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I really don't know what to say to you. I don't have personal experience of chronic pain but my husband was seriously ill for many years and in constant pain throughout. The depression that causes is immense and I know there were times when he thought he'd rather be dead than continue with the pain. Obviously I'm very grateful that he didn't do anything and fortunately he came through and out the other side.
    I presume that you've been to pain management classes and all that sort of thing? Have you tried the alternative therapies like Acupuncture? I know of several people who said that the pain they were suffering only stopped whilst they had Acupuncture treatment.
    Alternatively you might want to try some herbal remedies, there's a lot of information about various herbs helping with chronic pain issues if you look for it.
    I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful.
  3. avp

    avp Member

    Tried nearly everything....and it all just sucked away money I didn't have to waste.

    Lost fiancee, career, insurance, live savings, so much. And about every time a doctor has touched me since they have infected me with something or made some new damage.

    I want the "peaceful pill" and the time to make it work. But society fights so much to keep people like me suffering.
  4. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    You sound very bitter and I'm not surprised by that. I'd be surprised if you weren't.
    When my husband was seriously ill it seemed as though the doctors just made things worse. Eventually he gave up on them completely and looked into alternative therapies. The thing that actually solved the problem was changing his diet. Drastic changes at that. He basically eats meat,veg and rice and nothing else. No sugar, no processed foods, no dairy, no tomatoes, no yeast, no wheat, no gluten, nothing else whatsoever. He really resents being on such a strict diet but it's better than being ill.
    I don't know what to suggest to help you. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you better.
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi avp. I agree with CatherineC that you might want to look into alternative or ayurvedic treatments. Modern medicine seems to have failed you, as it can for some people. I'm sorry that you're in so much pain every day, but your life isn't over. If you can find a way to alleviate your physical pain, then you will enjoy life again. Look for a holisitic treatment center. I hope that things improve. :hug:
  6. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Gawd my heart feels for you
    were i not in so much pain at the moment i might be able to provide some sort of reply/support to you

    i sustained multiple life-threatening iatrogenic injuries and suffer severe chronic pain...when at it's worse, i wish dignitas were on this side of the pond :sad:


    you are not alone
  7. avp

    avp Member

    Sorry you are going through the same thing. Dignitas charges a shameful amount for their service. Around 10,000usd last I heard. So once again only people with money have rights. The rest of us are left to the ugly painful ways.

    I used to be able to just "get past the day" doing nothing and not making the pain much worse....but the last year things have gotten worse and worse. Every day I think how I can check out without causing alarm and being interrupted. I have no opportunity because I never have long enough privacy and never have a reason to leave here that won't raise suspicion. And of course if I screw up I'd rather nobody find out if possible so I am not left with even less control and options.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 27, 2010
  8. avp

    avp Member

    Nevermind....this forum and its stupid "rules" are why people end up failing at attempts and being left worse off. There is no reasonable and open place where people who have legit reason to quit can speak. God forbid some hypothetical teenager who is bummed out gets some "idea" from an adult suffering years of horrid pain right? We should live in misery so that people can post "happy" threads. I am so sick of the bullshit from self righteous people who answer your direct questions with diversions and nonsense. This place is worthless to me.
  9. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    there are places
    just not here
    and most who are serious and figure it out
    spend a great deal of time in research
    most, even those who die, don't wish to feel they contributed to someone's exit.
    even in our own deaths, we somehow feel hope for those left behind, i suppose.
    Controversial, yes.
  10. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi avp. The reason why SF has so many rules, is because it's a pro-life site and also, it is illegal to discuss suicide methods. I understand that you're suffering from a great deal of pain, but you can't give up hope.
  11. avp

    avp Member

    It is not "illegal" to discuss suicide methods.

    And yes I can give up hope. Platitudes do nothing to truly help someone with intractable issues. They do not take away the pain, or pay expenses, or do anything but make the person who says them feel like they have done "something".

    I am so fucking tired of hearing "you cannot give up" and "you HAVE to fight". No...I don't. And I see not a single person here is willing to help me peacefully escape the hell. You want to help? Help me get out of this mess don't just say things that do nothing.
  12. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    My mistake. It isn't 'illegal' to discuss suicide methods (though it is against SF rules), but it is illegal to encourage someone to commit suicide. There are pro-suicide websites out there on the internet that you can freely talk about suicide methods. SF is a support forum for people in crisis. If you're not satisfied with the help being offered, you are free to try other sites.
  13. avp

    avp Member

    I can see there is a "warning" in the box from my previous reply but I cannot be bothered to read it. I refuse to accept a "warning" for stating the truth. This forum and its unrealistic moderation hurts people. and this place specifically in my note of people who I blame for my situation...when the day comes that I check out.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2010
  14. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    SF is really clear that it is pro-life but you chose to become a member, so why would you be so angry when responses to your post support a pro-life perspective?
  15. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Well at the risk of receiving a warning myself... why don't you grow up? What did you think would happen when you came on a pro life site?
    You're so special that we're supposed to change the rules just for you? You're the only person in the world in chronic pain?
    I'm sorry but listing this forum and it's members in your 'note of people who I blame for my situation' just goes to show how pathetic you are being.
    I'm not going to offer you any 'hope' or 'platitudes' or anything else or at least I won't offer any help whatsoever until you apologise to Dave and the other members of this forum .
    You have the option here of offering support to other people and receiving support yourself. If that's not good enough for you then take your little self pity party somewhere else.
    Go and live in your bitter little world but try to remember it's the world you built for yourself.
  16. avp

    avp Member

    You are wrong...the surgeons who messed me up built it. Then the lawyers who were supposed to help after that added some renovations...then the social services piled on and added even more.

    I do nto apologize because someone demands it. Get bent.

    Anyway this is not a support forum this is a fluffy social club. You can have it.
  17. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I truly hope you find what you are looking for. :poo:
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2010
  18. Kirsty_Ann

    Kirsty_Ann Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to put after we spoke the other day,
    I feel really awful that you are having such a hard time but on here we look after each other and know when other people have bad days and pull them through. i could never help someone else or give methods because although personally i wish i had the courage to commit suicide i would never want anyone else to feel that way. . . idealistic i know.
    You sound bitter and angry, i hope that you find a way to deal with all of this but this isn't necessarily the right way.
    No-one on here caused your pain, and it is certainly not fair to proportion them the blame.
    Sorry, i hope you can apologise i really do; you don't wanna be alone.
    But you were wrong.
    Take Care
  19. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Personally I believe in fighting as long as possible in this world but I also believe it is a persons right to choose whether to live or die. IF someone has a severe illness or is in chronic pain I don't think anyone should condone them for wanting to die.

    You can never walk in anyone else's shoes therefore you can't ever judge because you don't know what it's like to be them or deal with the stuff they do on a daily basis.
  20. avp

    avp Member

    No...I wasn't wrong. Dave was wrong xxxx. But I know how things work in crowds. xxx. What happpened is I got ridiculous, obvious, dramatized ("its ILLEGAL to talk about suicide!!!") and patronizing replies. NOBODY likes getting those...not even those who post them. I never said anyone here caused the pain but people xxx make the situation worse and that is a fact. Not sure why I am even bothering...might as well let you guys have the last word since you seem intent on it so you can maintain your self righteousness here. Fuck yes I am Their absolutism forces people like me into risky methods in scary places because they refuse to discuss alternatives because "those are the rules"....rules rules rules...we blindly follow the rules even when they cause harm. You choose a hypothetical teenager who "might get an idea" over a real live human who is suffering. People who are going to do it are going to do it...this stupid idea that "pretending it isn't real or not talking about it" will make it happen is an excuse.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 29, 2010
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