I don't think I will commit suicide very soon, but I also don't think I will reach the age of sixty. Since, at least, the age of 9 I am feeling suicidal. I tried to commit suicide once, because of some serious abuse at home and in school, in the last level of primary school I took half a bottle of homeopathic sleeping pills. It did nothing of course, I couldn't even sleep that night. The weeks before I asked my current girlfriend to become my girlfriend I knew that meant I couldn't commit suicide anymore. It would be unfair to bond with someone and effectively stab them in the back by committing suicide. I love my girlfriend with whole my heart... but sometimes I wish I had committed suicide instead. Because of severe social anxiety and a whole gamma of other problems I fear that I will never complete university and that if I do I won't ever get a job good enough to support me. I am absolutely terrified about the future.