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chronically suicidal

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Oceans, Jul 3, 2013.

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  1. Oceans

    Oceans Well-Known Member

    Anyone feel they are constantly suicidal? Like the thoughts of dying always linger at the back of your mind. It never really leaves you. How do you cope with that?
  2. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    I feel like that most of the time...I do just about whatever I can to distract myself...it's temporary but at least I get a release from the constant thoughts of suicide.
  3. IWonder

    IWonder Member

    I distract myself with one thing after another. Yeah, I feel the same way as you described.
  4. insiiideouuut

    insiiideouuut Well-Known Member

    Yes, and with difficulty.

    I just sit and cry all the time, don't really have a coping mechanism anymore.
  5. Vinny

    Vinny Member

    Chronically Suicide , this has been my thing for 25 years .... It has become such a core part of me that ....i have accepted it as my thing ...It manifests in different ways ...
    When i mess up something , i am late for something , i am ill prepared for something ...the thoughts go "You are not good enough , you are not worth it , you know the right thing to do and still take chances , you need to kill yourself right now you don't deserve to live "
    When talking to people ...."They don't like you , they are just being nice to you , you need to run from here , but if you run they will feel weird , you always make people weird , you are nuts , you don't deserve to live , you are a burden to society , its time for you to go ....."
    When i want to try out something , new job role , new place , new anything ..... "well no way i can do this , i have nothing going for me , i am a worthless piece of shit , i shouldn't even be trying , ....he wait a sec whats the worse that is going to happen , everyone is going to laugh at you , black list you , ignore you ... but then you can always kill yourself ...yeah and all this will be over .... wow i got to try this one thing before i die , just try for the heck of it ..."
    I have finished my college like this, held a job for 8 years like this, yeah finally it became too difficult to keep all this in my head and that's how i ended up here after a botched attempt ...
    Bottom Line : At the end of the day , in spite of these things in my head i have been functional , and in my own world thanks to you guys i am proud of myself.Because i know , you know and a lot of people know how difficult it is to endure .... wishing you the best.God Bless.
    ps: [yes , even while posting this ...in my head "your posts are not welcome , they are going to hate you , you are worthless , you need to die " ] and i have to fight it saying "Well , if it is really true , they will let you know " ]
  6. Lorax

    Lorax Well-Known Member

    You summed it up. I just accept everything as being my fault. Failed relationships? I screwed it up.

    No job? I am lazy. No joy? I don't deserve it. Been that way most of my life. Even when i feel "optimistic" i just feel in the end, i will end it.
  7. rtrt46546565

    rtrt46546565 Well-Known Member

    Same for me.
  8. gem77

    gem77 Well-Known Member

    its always on my mind, like something thats inevitable, like my existence is defined by it. i distract myself with anything i can find. i have a new obsession each week. i do like to collect things. books are like an escapism for me plus movies although some films can be a trigger for me [ like the happiness i will never have]. im not one of those girls who loves shopping but i do buy stuff a lot which gives me a temporary high and distracts me. i dream a lot too.
  9. IamTetsuo

    IamTetsuo Well-Known Member

    I first started thinking about suicide around the age of 18 and now I'm 31. As time has gone by it's become more and more a part of my life but it doesn't bother me. It's very comforting because it alleviates my anxiety and makes me feel like I have a way out.
  10. molly11

    molly11 New Member

    I always thought everyone wanted to kill themselves once in a while...until I said something to someone one day and they informed me otherwise. My thoughts grew over the years. Now it consumes my thoughts...how, when, where.
  11. Yoyogirl86

    Yoyogirl86 Well-Known Member

    Yes I do, i don't get it all the time just half the time i get it but i try to distract and see if it helps
  12. bhawk

    bhawk Well-Known Member

    Long ago i realised that i would end my own life....Thats not to say im suicidal per se....
    I was suicidal when i was ill, my meds have sorted that out. But suicide is going to be permanently with me, i wont die of old age, i want to go out on my own terms, with dignity.
  13. RESTurtles

    RESTurtles Well-Known Member

    Everyday, going to work, at work, coming home, at home. So many ways out, I only need to pick one.
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