Chucking A Wobbly

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LetItGo, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Definition - Throwing a tantrum, cracking the shits, spitting the dummy.

    Rather than spread this shit from one end of the forum to the other im just gonna bundle it up. If your bored easily, look away now and go play tiddlywinks or something. Ya ive said some of this shit before, oh well, bite me.

    You - Im still worried. Glad you didnt take that step but what you did do was worrying enough. I hope it heals ok. You are one of the few things on this stinking planet that I care about. I just want some things to go well for you, for your ED to get a bit better, and things improve for you. I dont know if it makes you feel bad that I care about you as much as I do. Ive tried to stop, but I cant, and you know what...I dont think I want too, theres a part of me that needs to care about someone, think about someone, even though Im not there, and never will be. Please dont feel bad about it, or think it makes me worse, or feel guilty that your involved with other people if you are, its not really about that. Its about one human being loving another - unconditionally. Thats how I feel about you.

    Work - In a word - HATE. There are times when I actually enjoy the interaction with other people but its like once a day, compared to the other 95% i hate. Its ok when it goes smoothly, but it never fucking does. Going back to this was a mistake, but i had no choice. I need money. What the fuck am I going to do :sad: This is gonna really bring me down over the next couple months. I hate taking orders from some idiot. I desperately want to work for myself, or in partnership with others all pulling in the same direction. If i quit its probably gonna tip my mother over, if I stay im just gonna get miserable, have some outburst, and end up quiting anyway. I know it will disappoint a lot of people here as well. Im sorry im a fuck up. The only option i can think off is to stay to save up at least some more money to maybe invest probably into web stuff, at least give myself some options...I really hate that im back at this point. The money isnt what it should be after tax, $560 that week, $880 there, $670 this week for basically 6 normal days sux. Its not worth working the big hours cause tax is insane.

    L & C - Will you 2 get a fucking room! Your making me feel like an outsider with your constant flirting. I already feel like the black sheep (no racial slur intended) and its only getting worse. Ya you have everything, money, a fat inheritance coming your way, and now her as well, you done yet? You planned it well, your superior, thx for reminding me.

    Gambling - I gotta get a grip, less than 1 hour and im down $100...I really cant afford to do that shit, enough of the gambling. Its just so damn easy, your drinking, your relaxed, maybe talking to someone alongside you (not that anyone talks much) and before you know it...its bye byes to whatever you had in your wallet and your visiting the ATM. I straight up cant afford it, so why the fuck do i do it. You know what it is? I dont fucking care. I do and I dont grrr FUCK.

    Vanity - Jesus $110 for a haircut lol, who the fuck do you think you are? Justin Get a fucking grip. Your an ugly geezer, average under the right lighting, and if the girl is drunk enough. Stop wasting your money and just accept the fact no amount of window dressing is gonna save you.

    Old Habits - I wanna smoke weed again, I wanna drink myself under the table. I just need it all to stop at times and thats the only way to do it, short of taking a gun to my head and unfortunately i dont have one. The only other thing that works is to try and sleep but i cant get to sleep half the time. So far ive been good but i dont know if i can hold out.

    Some Good Things - Got a heap of courses lined up, short ones, but probably wont get to do them. Its just money i dont want to spend, and yet I should because it gets me out of the house more than just work, football, the movies now and then, drinking and gambling. Theres a couple of introductory language courses, creative writing and stuff. Now i got some money i can rekindle some old things i use to enjoy, like reading magazines. I use to collect mags. I love the smell of them. Ive just subscribed to Cosmos, T3, a couple of others from the U.S and U.K (not porn, just nothing anyone would be interested in). Theres a new comic place opened up in town....there never open when im off work, but I wanna check that out as well, im not really into manga, or traditional superhero stuff, but maybe they might have something interesting for me, something gothic would be good.

    Wont Happen - Went to a new shopping centre the other day and they had a jewelery shop and they had a poster advertising the Pandora collection. Lots of girls probably familiar with it, but Ive never seen it. You basically buy a bracelet and you can add charms to it - sterling silver, 14ct gold, and others, some with diamonds, and theres a whole heap of interesting little charms - animals, love hearts, zodiac etc. Was thinking how nice it would be to have someone to give something like that too, and just add to it when something good happens, or some major event in there lives, or just as a present every now and then. There not really expensive, think about $70 up, the diamond ones probably a few hundred dollars. Ill never be able to give something like that to anyone, never have a girlfriend to buy that for...its fucking depressing.

    I could go on, but thats enough, im just sick of it all. Have to just grin and bear it, and lap it up like some lame puppet cause i cant upset people, my mother in particular. Just gonna hide in some deep, dark, dusty corner, lacquered in cat fur and sucking it up.

    If only i had the balls to do it. Nobody would ever have to read this shit ever again.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2007
  2. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    Dont worry about me. I now know I dont want to die. I remember before I passed out, I regret what I did, thought about everyone, especially my parents and hoped I would still be there the next day. Somehow I now have to work so damn hard. So do you, suicide isnt an option.
    And since we talk about worrying. I havent seen you online for ages. I was damn worried, especially after shauna's thread and you not answering my text message, but Im really glad youre still here and I hope we will talk again soon.
    Yeah work sucks, but Im sure it keeps your mind busy. And its good to be in contact with people again. It gives you more selfesteem and ofcourse the money is a good thing too. Work never goes really smoothly, thats why its called work, you gotta work for it, lol. But if this is really bringing you down, you should look for something else, but if i were you, I would keep this job till you found something else. I dont want you to be miserable :sad: but if yo quit you're not a fuck up. I know how it feels when work is just making everything worser and worser. But try to do more things with the money you get. And lol dont waste it on gambling, thats not really a good thing to spend it on. Buy things you like, save money for what you really wanna do. And lol you should cut your hair yourself, like i do, $110, thats sick. Spend that on some weed, to have a nice time now and than. But not too much mister :nono: And those courses sound really good. Try to think about it more, on both sights, maybe make a list.
    I dont know who L & C are.
    I dont know what else to say, I hope we will talk again soon.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well a long list of negatives:blink:
    Any positives me little antipodean???:unsure:

    Just think, stick the job, save money, while looking round for something you do want:smile: there must be some web jobs going (I just found one on our job seekers site) get looking and apply, you can do it Matt all that skill going to waste otherwise.

    Hugs from the UK from one who misses your ugly mug about the place :tongue:

    :hug: :hug: :hug:
  4. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Listen, stop beating yourself up about the negatives. You have positives you know!!! Don't let other people down. When you are about to think of the negatives try and replace it with a positive. I know sounds stupid but you never know. If you can't think of any positives comee find me...I'll kick them in for yah. You know I would :hug: :bleh:

    Stay strong matt and stop saying we wouldn't have to hear your rants anymore..two problems with that...1) I don't mind it...and 2)I cant hear anything..i can just see...soo I win :Taunt:

    Love yah hun
  5. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    Im sick of myself, its fucking D-Day.
  6. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Please stay safe hun :hug:

    Love u lots x
  7. LetItGo

    LetItGo Staff Alumni

    It all gets better after today guys :hug: so much better for everyone.
  8. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    What u mean by that Matty??? :unsure:
  9. ~PinkElephants~

    ~PinkElephants~ Senior member

    Matt come on
    what's going on??
  10. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni


    Below is my long winded reply as promised! U can't write something like that and expect a chatter box like me to keep quiet haha...So brace urself my friend!

    *stops and thinks where the hell to start*

    *clears throat*

    *puts on best Dr. Phil hat*

    It's not the end Matt! In fact, ur life is nowhere near the end. There is so much more love, laughs, success and happiness that you are yet to feel. I know at the moment the mountain ahead seems far to high and u dont know which path to start on. Hang in there, have some confidence in yourself and ur ability and soon enough that mountain will turn into something much smaller, and when you reach the top it will be the greatest view. Ur not alone, we r all here to help you every single step of the way if you will only let us. With the time zones that all your friends r from there is bound to be someone around every time ur struggling so all u have to do is ask! We don't care if ur ranting and making no sense, we will listen (or read as the case may be) and help you as much as we can. Keep in mind, if we didnt think you could do it we wouldn't b here, we KNOW that you can, now it's just up to you to believe it!

    Work is work! At the moment you need to do it for the money but hopefully in time you will be waking up every morning knowing that you get to do something you love, all day! Let that be your motivation!

    You will find someone in this life Matt! Someone who will love you more than you would ever imagine! It sounds so cliche and you've probably heard it too many times but I really believe that you need to accept yourself before you can share your life with anyone else. Relationships come and go, but this is your life and you need to live it while ur here!

    It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare, it is because we do not dare that they are difficult!

    Please take care! :smile:
  11. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Hey Matt,

    I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Please try not to beat yourself up too much. You are a great person, try to find positives than look for the negatives, that'll get you every time. Try and hang in there. I'm always here for you, Matt. Even if you really don't like me anymore. Sorry for being so useless. Take care, dear. :hug: