Cigarette burns

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by jonstark, Jan 11, 2008.

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  1. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    I went to smoke and I smoked one cig and I threw the stub away and I lit another one and I smoked that one too.
    While smoking the second one I remembered this burn I have on my left wrist from new year's. I don't know how I got that burn, because I blacked out at new year's. It's a line on my wrist.
    And as I finished my second smoke I extinguished the butt over that same burn. It felt great.

    I went down to my room. An hour later, I went out for another smoke and there were no doubts. I extinguished the butt on my right foot, high up. It felt great. It felt better than boozing and smoking.
    Now I feel like smoking more, not for the sake of smoking, but so that I can stick the butts on my skin.

    Thought I'd share with you guys :unsure: .
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug: Jon, I'm not going to tell you to stop, because that would just be ridiculous. But just, be safe with it, eh?
  3. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    :hug: i done that before, and i know what u mean but remember after word it puffs up and after i heals u have a cir scar on u and wont go away. :hug: i here if u wanna talk more hun :hug:
  4. rwillson

    rwillson Well-Known Member

    when i lived L.A. and was working multiple jobs for very little money, i think my breaks were spent smoking and then putting them out on my forearm when i was done...

    a friend of mine i grew up with, his sister asked him why my forearms were all discolored and covered with white patches, she actually thought they might be tattoos, LOL. the scars blow my friend's mind a lot, he can't imagine the pain, when i tell him it never hurt he gets a confused look and says "I couldn't deal with that kind of pain". i find it amusing, he was always the bad-ass growing up, he got into (well we) more fight with people over the years, we have also worked out together for years, he knows pain as well as i do, i am glad he doesn't have a relationship with it, like i do...

  5. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    On the 11th I burned myself on the other foot, you know, for symmetry :p. Then I decided to wait until the wounds went away so that I've an idea what I'm dealing with.
    10 days later, the scabs are far from gone and as danni said I expect there will be scars. I've felt no pain apart from the initial stab. A couple of people noticed the scar on my wrist and asked me, what, did you burn yourself? I said nah and changed the topic... No more questions :).

    Thanks for the comments guys. I'll probably refrain from burning myself with cigarettes in the near future.
  6. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Blah, I think I burned on the day after I posted the post above :/. From now on, no empty commitments. I'll do whatever I feel like.
    The scabs of the original burns just came off. Solid 3 weeks. As the guys above said, looks like I'll have scars. Small scars, but still.
    On the positive sides, no pain after the actual burns, and no bleeding. On the negative side... A long time healing, and scars. Meh.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    oww., that sounds sore
  8. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Added another one for symmetry. Felt great!
    I wanna burn because fire is life.
    Hehehehehe :laugh: .
  9. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Jon..You don't want to get addicted to that, really..
  10. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    I've complete faith in my self-control.
    I've reached the conclusion, if I get addicted to something, it must be worth it.
    Thanks for the warning though. :wink:
  11. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    I kno wot u mean with burning urself. I smoke occasionally, do it 2 deal with stress (i'm not a regular, its bad 4 ur health lol). and once i was really down and i burnt my forearm, i did it 2 that first time (the last 1 i held it there till it went out). since then i've done it several times and i've used other things like heating knives and using the hot blade to cut and burn!
    And what danni sed bout them not healin is 100% true. i've now got scars up my forearm, so i've tried to stop burning myself. though sometimes i feel its needed still.
    The thing 2 remember if u 'have' to do it is 2 treat the burns afterward, if ash stays in the wound it could go bad
  12. hammockmonkey

    hammockmonkey Well-Known Member

    a few years back, me and some friends burned each others arms with cigarettes. never really understood why.
  13. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Hah, kid, but you are right.
    And I don't mean 'kid' condescending like, I mean it the way Bogart says it to Bergman, without the romantic angle.
    This shit is addictive. Now every time I get drunk and smoke alone, I feel like burning myself.
    "Bad for me" I don't get. Being alive is bad for me. Drinking and smoking and SH, are those supposed to be bad? When I do those things I feel alive for a short short while. Drinking and smoking will kill me in the long run? There is no long run. If I had everything in the world, I still can't see myself surviving long enough to die of smoking or drinking or SH.
    I'd like to go to hell except I'm already there. And it only makes me laugh :biggrin: .
  14. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    Just try and keep them clean, okay? >.< :hug:
  15. Deep Thought

    Deep Thought Well-Known Member

    jonarryn, u r right it is addictive! its not a gud 1 (how many addictions r?) but its so hard 2 give up. i like it, it feels good. i'm not proud of it, coz now all i seem 2 wear r long sleeve t-shirts and wot-not. i wanna give up (i think), but 4 me its becommin as trivial as biting my finger nails, have u tried stoppin bitin ur finger nails, its hard, same thing with burning.
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