Circling the drain.................

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by guage, Feb 25, 2013.

  1. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    So I have felt myself slipping, for a bit , tried talking to my doc to no avail, wow shocker. I have three major factors going on and every one is out of my hands and two go hand in hand so to speak . All will be determining factors of me being able to stop the downward spiral into my own abyss. I have come up with a one way plan , once started cannot be reversed. To say that I am so sick of it is a drastic understatement. I have put my fate of deciding or other life factors. I gave come to not care for anything anymore, the woman I love says she loves me although she is a known liar and married to someone else, although I talk to her for hours everyday , and get to hear my sons voice , sometimes I get to talk to him if he wants to, he doesn't know im his father. I held on through the holidays with the hope that I would be able to be with him, not gonna happen. The path that I have chosen is one of weakness, I know but I cant live like this anymore u cant keep opening my eyes everyday pissed of that I do. And the last plans I had I was concerned about my family having to pay for the funeral, I have a way around that also. So all the details are set. Now I just have to see how the determination factors fall in with fate ...
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    When you tried speaking to your doc, did you ask for a referral for a therapist? If the provider is a GP, sometimes s/he is not best equipped to deal with psychological issues...also, have you spoken about medication and such? I know it might sound clique, but there are services available and I hope you advocate for getting what you need
  3. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Yes I have done so and stated in other threads, I have reached until my shoulders have fallen out of their sockets. I try and do things that use to suffice, to no avail. And actually I was informed today that the one thing that I could always count on has been taken away from me, guns. I have all that I can own , and cannot add to my collection any longer. I cant go back into the military, or law enforcement, or even move to the country of my dreams. Now there is no longer any point in my existence. I cant serve as for being used for all I can be. Physically, mentally, emotionally,"what little was there" and now cant enjoy adding to my collection. I had been building this collection for years to pass to a son that I don't have, ?, either way if I do have a son he will never know that I am his father. But for my niece and nephew, now it is what it is, and that will be all that I can give them. The one thing that could help me escape for a little while is gone. There is nothing like getting a brand new gun and firing the hell out of it for the first time. Oh well. I cant see anything worse happening, as that was the last thing that I was holding on to .