Claire Knows Which Buttons

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Twocky61, May 4, 2014.

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  1. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    My gf Claire knows which buttons to press to push me over the edge; it is as if she finds excitement in it and wets herself

    Today she has already forced me to no other option than to self harm & then she has the audacity to yell at me for the blood on the floor

    She then took me to A&E/ER and my support worker Lyndsey was called to my bedside - Lyndsey is the last person I want to see and I told her to Foxtrot Oscar - she claims she has a duty of care but in my opinion she feels she has a duty to pry

    Lyndsey has now left & Claire is sat at my bedside holding my hand weeping that she is sorry she was such a bitch to me earlier - I can't not forgive her as I love her so intensely & I guess she feels the same about me - She leant over and we hugged & kissed - she wants to slip in bed with me but I am sure the nurses would object to that & kick her out which I wish they would so I can have some time alone to consider where Claire & I go from here - Claire says she will be back this evening so at least i have all day to be alone between treatment

    I love Claire & I hate her
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    :hug: Here if you feel like talking.
  3. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Thanks :freehug:

    The reason behind our argument is not site suitable for here so i wont explain here
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    I an sorry that you have had such a traumatic and difficult weekend. I think the question of where you and Claire go from here is an important one, and while considering it you should think carefully about the above sentence. You have made reference in posts in the past that your response to your anger about Claire's past is to harm yourself, and here you abdicate responsibility for self harm by saying she left you no choice. When you cut yourself - when you harm yourself in any way - the responsibility for that decision lies entirely with you. I am sorry that she upset/angered you so badly that you felt the need to; certainly she bears responsibility for any emotional pain she caused you, especially if it was deliberate or knowing, but the choice to hurt yourself cannot be attributed to her.

    If you dislike your support worker so intensely (I read the poem you wrote) perhaps you could request a new one? Understand though that it is the job of these people to "pry" - to find out what might be causing your distress and to pass that information on if it is outside their abilities to help you deal with it. I really hope you do choose to engage with some help - if only to use someone as a sounding board to express your thoughts and order them properly so you can better decide how to move forward.

    Please take care - I hope you find some peace today :hug:
  5. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Thanks Freya

    In 'forced me to...." I did not actually mean she did the self harm as by definition I obviously did it - what I meant was she pushed & pushed to the point self harm felt to be the only option

    The boiling point I can't really go into SF as the subject as Alison will tell me, is definately not SF suitable

    Thanks again Freya

  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: Hope you are okay xx
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I hope you have a speedy recovery and think carefully about your future. You a great person who is very informative on this forum. Take care as ever.
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