Clarity

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by caraculiumbro, Jun 16, 2012.

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  1. caraculiumbro

    caraculiumbro Member

    The man I love hates me. We fight constantly over his drinking, which he hides and lies about (he slowed down after months of being drunk constantly). He had a gross porn addiction that he stopped, but he will not stop lying and hiding his drinking. He says I am trying to control him. that my trying to control his is forcing him to drink...it is my fault. I think about suicide a lot, he mocked me when he found out that I joined this forum. He rubs it in my face when we argue. He screams at me when I cry, says that I am acting like a victim, but what am I supposed to do?! He tells me that I just make his life difficult... I feel so lost and hurt by him...I think about ending things just so I can stop making others' lives worse.

    I don't know what to do any more...
     
  2. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    It sounds like you are both unhappy in this relationship. You can't change who he is and what he wants to do, and it's obvious that he is making you unhappy as well. You want my advice? Break up with him. You will both be happier with people that you get along with better. You don't need to kill yourself over it - you deserve somebody who will love you and won't make you feel bad about yourself.
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    Think about it this way: you are with someone who makes fun of you for wanting to end your life. All you do is fight, he hides things from you, and all he does is hurt you. Maybe it's best to leave before things get worse, but it sounds like they are already pretty bad. You deserve someone who will love and respect you, not treat you like dirt.
     
  4. caraculiumbro

    caraculiumbro Member

    I am so scared to be alone. He is nice to me when I don't ask questions. Maybe I really am the problem? It is like seeing me in pain (because of him) makes him hate me more, but I don't know what to do. He is great when things are going his way and I don't complain.
     
  5. caraculiumbro

    caraculiumbro Member

    I think if I cannot make this work, I will be alone forever. I have known many men who thought I was what they wanted, but once they get to know me they see me differently. I think being alone will be my only choice. Maybe it will be better that way. I do love him, though...
     
  6. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'm afraid to be alone too, and I'm sure you aren't the problem...it just seems that there are issues that can't be worked out. It can be hard to let go when you love someone, but sometimes it's necessary if you are just being hurt. I've been hurt by a lot of guys too, but I'm not giving up hope that I'll find the right one. I know that you will, too.
     
  7. ellorian

    ellorian Well-Known Member

    Frankly it sounds like he is an alcoholic. He MIGHT love you, I don't know, but unless and until he decides to deal with his own issues and stop abusing you as a way of coping that love (if even there) is a sour one. Unless he takes that bold step of deciding to change his life he is not going to be capable of being in a healthy relationship with anyone (from your descriptions at least). And if you want the most bitter, hardest truth to face - you staying there as a willing victim will not help him get the change he needs to live well. We only change when we become uncomfortable enough to know we must do so, when the coping mechanisms we've been using unhealthily prove completely insufficient. There's no guarantee we change then, but we certainly don't change before... You are not the problem, you are the victim, but you staying may be providing him an unhealthy "out" that allows him to avoid dealing with his own stuff.

    Sorry, I know that isn't good to hear.
     
  8. cloudy

    cloudy Well-Known Member

    don't get caught.
     
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