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cleaned it up, didnt tell a soul for years and years

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I haven't told anyone that isn't a member of this site... I'm not ready to be told to get over it by people who don't understand. So I plaster on a smile and take a deep breath, go about my day as if nothing is wrong, then at night I sit in the shower for an hour or so and cry till I'm exhausted enough to fall asleep.


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I tell people who are nice to me, it makes them go away. If they don't go away, I question their motives. So no, having accepted it as inevitable, I learn to use the failures to further isolate for my own purposes.


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I done a lot of thorough research - years ago when that info was boldly proclaimed - by people hoping someone would kill themselves on a webcam for the amusement of others.

Well - trying for me - would NEVER entail having the luxury of being able to have an attempt to cover up.

I'd be dead no question.

I would NEVER impart the knowledge I unwisely gained to anyone.

But knowing it does not bother me - even if I never knew 1001 ways to die - I have too many means and opportunities.

So for me - its a guarantee against thinking about it too much.

I just avoid all 'bottle of whiskey' nights - alcohol - in my eyes - you don't want to be drunk AND have suicidal thoughts and the means also.

So I choose to live.

Crying in the shower would be good - nobody could see your crying - but I don't really cry - I just feel down!

but not right now.

good luck out there.

Thanks for sharing HawthornePassage

Below - sheep power...



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I told one person... friend at the time. I told no one else and will never tell anyone else about any possible future ones and definitely not previous ones. I have let it slip and said i have been in the hospital but when they ask why i just make up some illness.
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