Discussion in 'After Effects' started by HawthornePassage, Sep 28, 2011.
No one knows about my attempts.. They will only know when I am gone...
I haven't told anyone that isn't a member of this site... I'm not ready to be told to get over it by people who don't understand. So I plaster on a smile and take a deep breath, go about my day as if nothing is wrong, then at night I sit in the shower for an hour or so and cry till I'm exhausted enough to fall asleep.
I tell people who are nice to me, it makes them go away. If they don't go away, I question their motives. So no, having accepted it as inevitable, I learn to use the failures to further isolate for my own purposes.
I done a lot of thorough research - years ago when that info was boldly proclaimed - by people hoping someone would kill themselves on a webcam for the amusement of others.
Well - trying for me - would NEVER entail having the luxury of being able to have an attempt to cover up.
I'd be dead no question.
I would NEVER impart the knowledge I unwisely gained to anyone.
But knowing it does not bother me - even if I never knew 1001 ways to die - I have too many means and opportunities.
So for me - its a guarantee against thinking about it too much.
I just avoid all 'bottle of whiskey' nights - alcohol - in my eyes - you don't want to be drunk AND have suicidal thoughts and the means also.
So I choose to live.
Crying in the shower would be good - nobody could see your crying - but I don't really cry - I just feel down!
but not right now.
good luck out there.
Thanks for sharing HawthornePassage
Below - sheep power...
I told one person... friend at the time. I told no one else and will never tell anyone else about any possible future ones and definitely not previous ones. I have let it slip and said i have been in the hospital but when they ask why i just make up some illness.