Cleaning Up

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by Sophronia, May 12, 2013.

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  1. Sophronia

    Sophronia Member

    I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post here. If I was able to make an attempt I'd be dead. My cousin asked me if I wanted to hurt myself. I said no. She rephrased her question and asked if I was going to be alive after my plans for the evening. I said no.

    My cousin made a call to a pastor and to my best friend. The pastor called most of the people in the church as well as the police. The police came and took me to the hospital.

    Now I will be getting a hospital bill I can't afford. I also have to live with the stigma of being seen with the police walking me out of the building. That type of thing causes issues in my area. I also have to deal with being an involuntary recluse. I only know a few people in the city where I currently live. They all happen to know my business now, though I didn't tell them.

    Now I'm trying to effectively brainwash myself since I'm not even able to die in peace.
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Soph, death is just nothing at all..just a lifeless body eventually just rotting away slowly..

    Find that very damn depressing.. Wouldn't be a ton better trying to find a fruitful and good life??? Just my thoughts!!!lol
  3. Sophronia

    Sophronia Member

    I am working on trying to find a "fruitful and good" life. I am currently trying to effectively brainwash myself to always see the positive and to never see the negative.
  4. HulaHoop

    HulaHoop New Member

    Don't try to brainwash yourself, by brainwashing yourself you don't actually believe in what you think, you don't have faith it in, you're simply forcing yourself to believe. You have to realize that there is a positive and there is a negative, there will always be that negative. You will have low days and high days, and you will feel like the only option left is a permanent solution, death. When you go through these really rough patches, think of Anchors, things that make you want to stay here e.g. friends, family, cousins, your faith. All these things are why you are still here, they are your positives.
    Your city, move from there somehow. Find relatives in other cities, countries, visit them, make new friends, visit chatrooms, read books, listen to soothing music.
    Death is not peaceful, death is horrifying, death is only peaceful for you because you're thinking of the result which is nothingness, it's just a black space, nothing, that's the end. I know it seems like "woohoo! the end!" but its not, there are so many mornings I have woken up and thanked the Lord that for some reason, I didn't call myself last night.
    Please, just believe in yourself, try to see the positive, not brainwash yourself and I hope that this helped somehow at all, please message me if you feel like that whenever.

    HulaHoop x
  5. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    The pastor had NO right telling anyone but the police. As soon as you can, call him out on it. He made a breach of confidence and should be removed from his post! What a hideously disgusting man.
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