Climbing out the closet

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by HannaK, Jan 18, 2016.

  1. HannaK

    HannaK Member

    I have been living a lie for 21 Years of my life. I don't know how much longer i can hide this self of me i'm terrified of the reactions. I'm scared to tell the truth and be even less accepted in this world. I think it would be a lot easier if i wasn't here anymore. I can't keep on living this way :(

    Why was i born Gay :(.

    I wish someone would tell me i'm okay
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2016
  2. hawaiianfeeling

    hawaiianfeeling Chat Pro

    You are okay! I know how scary it is to show the world who you truly are, but I promise you it's better than keeping it bottled up. It will be hard at first, but once the dust settles, you will feel a freedom that you've maybe never felt before. Of course I don't know anything about your specific life situation, so I'm speaking in generalities. I just want you to know that you aren't alone in feeling this way.
    2 people like this.
  3. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    welcome, Hanna. we all live with lies; we all "pretend" parts of ourselves. that is part of what it is to be human -- none of us are altogether happy with the person that we see when we look in the mirror (who is, by the way, rarely the same person that others see when they look at us). you are OK -- you are perfectly normal, perfectly fine, perfect just as you are. it doesn't matter if i say this, though, or even if the people who love you and who you love say it. it matters only if you can say and believe it . . . and you should. everyone wishes for life to be easy; it never is, not all the time. and wouldn't it be boring if it was, and if we were all the same cookie cutter version of a human being. embrace who you are, Hanna. you are wonderful this way. and sure it's going to be difficult sometimes, and some people will not accept you, but i promise you that you will get through the darkest times, and it will all be for the best.
    6 people like this.
  4. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Hi Hanna,

    You were born gay or bi or straight or trans or however you sexually identify because that is a valuable identity for you to have and because our world is better with gay, bi, trans, straight, every kind of consensual, sane, and safe sexuality that exists being present in it.

    There is a TON of LGBTQ support out there, I urge you to seek it out. You are worth it and you are enough.
    3 people like this.
  5. HannaK

    HannaK Member

    Thanks for your replies.
  6. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    You were born - period. ALL of the rest is just a grab bag of whatever it is that allows 7 billion peopel to exist without being clones of one another. If there is shame about any of it remember that is invented by somebody else and is in fact the "weird" - I find it really strange/weird that anybody has the audacity to believe that the way they were born whether male/female, pigmentation of skin, the way their features are set, shape of eyes, sexual orientation, or any other "characteristic" makes one better than another or more "right" than another.It is the person that believes their own lies about what is better or preferable and has the audacity to think that they should be able to force their personal belief in that matter onto the rest of the world that has both a real problem and something to be ashamed of. I for one am very glad that that all people are different and are not more people like the idiot that believes they know what is best for the rest of the world or even one single other person....

    You ARE okay and have no need to be ashamed.
    3 people like this.
  7. quirkyalias

    quirkyalias Member

    i was lucky, i knew that homophobia was the problem (at the risk of going off topic, THAT'S liberation, it is not strictly a legislative concept)

    so what everybody else said, there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. if you do get any negativity from loved ones try and be patient, yeah knowing no better isn't an excuse but what 'should happen' rarely 'does happen'. ultimately you've got humanity on side and we're a noisy bunch :)

    maybe aim for a big LGBT site like pinknews, have a scan of the people they follow or are followed by on twitter and you'll find all sorts of fabulous enclaves.

    ALSO - this makes the wonderful stephen fry an ambassador for us on two separate issues (that are often linked). that'll do for me.
  8. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I also recommend Dan Savage's "It gets better campaign" on youtube -- it is geared more towards teens, but it is inspiring to hear so many people talk about how, as adults, they are thriving in loving lesbian/gay relationships. Heck, you could also listen to his podcasts, which focus on positive sex attitudes. Those are called Savage Lovecast.
  9. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hanna, you are absolutely terrific! Keep saying that to yourself, and don't give a second thought to those who think otherwise. As a Christian, I get so irritated at other Christians who have a 'thing' about gays. Scriptures say 'let he who is without fault cast the first stone'. No one is without fault. And being gay is NOT a fault. Being judgmental is. So I wish you the best with 'coming out'. Let your light shine! Plenty of us here would be proud to bask in its glow.
  10. HannaK

    HannaK Member

    Thanks for your messages. But when your told almost every day for 5 years of your life that being a Lesbian is evil, A sin etc you can't just shake these things off.

    I mean that as i went to a a strictly Catholic boarding School where if i had come out i would of been outcasted so i kept myself to myself which has now lead me to being socially anxious around people.

    I can't remember the last time i properly smiled. The Smile i wear is a mask to hide my pain of who i am.

    If god exists he must really of hated me to make me this way.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2016
  11. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Now that I know your Catholic background, I even more strongly urge you to look into Dan Savage -- he also came from a strong Catholic background and now he is married to his husband and has a son with him! I also was raised Catholic and know the guilt and repression that comes with cannot be shaken off, but it can be let go. Give yourself the gift of letting the guilt, shame, and repression go.
  12. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    HannaK, i understand what that is like. i grew up going to catholic schools and only one thing was consistently clear: those people do not speak for god or for society. they are very small-minded for the most part, and -- this is just a theory of mine (no support that i'm aware of) -- many of them spout hateful anti-guy rhetoric at least in part to beat down their own internal voices screaming out that they may be gay. you are not what such ignorant, narrow-minded people labeled you. there is a world of much more clear thinking people who will embrace you for what you are.

    and if there is a god, s/he does not hate you . . . that s/he made you "this way" -- intelligent, caring, empathetic, thoughtful . . . perfect -- is proof that s/he loves you.
    2 people like this.
  13. HannaK

    HannaK Member

    I'll search for him. You said he has a podcast? maybe i can listen to that with earphones on when i'm alone.
  14. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    hey.. i have been in the closet for quite awhile now.. i've come into terms about my sexuality a few months ago.. and ever since i have not told a soul about being gay.. probably the only person that knows it is a friend i met online.. but other than that i'm not out to anyone else.. my friend also happens to be gay too but she's also in the closet like me.. it's illegal to be gay in her country so she hasn't come out yet.. she always tell me that what really hinders me to come out is myself.. i usually get scared of a lot of inconsequential things.. but i think it's normal to be scared.. the uncertainty about how people close to me would react is what really gets to me..
  15. HannaK

    HannaK Member

    I wish i had the strength to tell someone at least one person. Being Socially Anxious I find it hard enough just meeting new people without then having to worry that if i start a friendship with them would they accept me if i came out.

    I feel like i'm screaming it inside but the sound of the words are locked up in a sound proof room.
  16. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    i have actually started isolating myself from my friends.. spent lots of time online.. and basically avoiding any socialization as much as possible.. i do know it's not good.. that i should interact with other people as much as possible.. but it's a lot more comforting to be with people who understands me even if it's only via the internet.. i even joined an lgbt forum when i realized i just can't find any other outlet for such feelings and hardships..
  17. HannaK

    HannaK Member

    That's me besides my Parents (and one friend i have from High School) who if I told I know would throw me to the wolves.

    My Father is very Homophobic and I have to try so hard to hide myself from him. I hate him because i love him so much but i know he'll never truly love me. Not who i want to be anyway.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 20, 2016
  18. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    Yes, his podcast is Savage Lovecast but what I urge you to listen to first is his "Its gets better" campaign on youtube. If you listen to his podcasts, I would sstart with his older stuff --- his more recent is more political stuff at the beginning of the program --- of course if you like politics, the most recent are good :) Just not sure if that is your thing and don't want you bored or frustrated.
  19. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    HannaK, I can't say I totally understand what you are going through as I am not gay. But I have fallen hard for a couple gay men in my life and that led to me really try to understand what it was like. At least as much as I could. At one point I was reading everything I could get my hands on. And I have found that just knowing gay people can totally change a person's attitude. I don't know where you live, but you might try and find some local support groups. Meet in person with them. Pick their brains for ways to deal with this. It would be absolutely wonderful if you could completely accept this aspect of yourself and love yourself because of it.
  20. cren

    cren Well-Known Member

    my dad's also very homophobic.. i even need to endure listening to him say things against gay people.. i know i eventually need to tell him.. if only to get it off my chest.. but i'll probably do it when i can finally move out of our house.. or when i have my own place.. 'cause then i won't have to deal with him everyday.. or worse he could kick me out of the house if i tell him now..