I have posted recently how much I have been suffering. When visiting my therapist on 7\15, I was very open with him how I felt. It resulted in a call to 911 and an ambulance ride to a hospital. I was there for 8 days. It did not really solve the problems that got me there, but it was exactly where I needed to be. Now my therapist is helping me to work on forgiving myself for feelings and past acts. This is really tough. My pain still exists and while he talked about forgiving myself, I felt panic - that this is not going to be possible. I still have SI thoughts, but I feel more in control. Thank you to all of you who have responded to my posts and expressing concern. Your responses helped me a great deal.