i dont know how to word this in order for my post not to get deleted or flagged but i am extremely close to my breaking point. i have access to things that can hurt me immensely and possibly not being around anymore. today i feel as if my depression got worse, everytime i see a happy couple, hear a song on the radio, etc etc. i cant do my college work even though i have 2 tutors helping me, i have been threatened by social security that if i dont complete school and get a job they will CUT ME OFF!! so tell me why i want to live? there is NOTHING F--KEN positive in my life. there is NOTHING good to look forward too, there is NOBODY who cares. i am about sick and tired of calling these stupid hotline numbers where these people act like they give a sh1t when they dont. i am about sick and tired of being put on F--KEN waiting lists to see a doctor, like that will help anyways because i refuse to stop using alcohol and drugs. those are the only moments that make me feel happy. all i do is live for everyone else, do all their stuff, help them while they spit all over me in the process. there is no such thing as being or living a happy life, if anyone tells me that i usually spit at them and then curse them out to no F--KEN end. why am i feeling like this? WHY AM I FORCED TO FEEL LIKE THIS? WHO has cursed me to die like a animal?