This will probably be long. I'm not sure how much longer I can keep living. I self harm and I have done for years. I started when I was really young with scratching myself until I bled or it left marks (I didn't even know it was self harm as I was that young), then one night, I unscrewed the blade from a pencil sharpener and I've been cutting ever since. I was bullied ever since I started school, labelled an outcast, hated and shunned by everyone, with no friends. As well as verbally abusing me daily, they also punched, kicked and pinched me. I felt and I still feel alone. What they did planted a seed of doubt in my mind. It made me hate myself, wonder why I even bothered with life. All the emotional pain I had was locked up inside me and I could feel it all of the time, like a dead weight, a constant reminder. When I sliced my skin, it stopped the pain inside of me - it made me feel empty, instead of full of pain. I moved school over 15 times to get away from the bullies, but with each and every school there was a new one or a gang of them. Now I've finally settled at a school after the person that bullied me left (by then I didn't really care about what they said as I was too damaged by the bullies before them), but I still feel so alone. I'm constantly sad and depressed. I put on fake smiles but lately I couldn't be bothered to and no one even noticed. I only have a couple of friends but I always feel like no one likes me and they always ditch me for their other friends - they only care when I'm the only one around. I'm so suicidal right now. Everything I do goes wrong, I'm such a worthless piece of crap. I told two of my friends but one of them doesn't understand (now things are really awkward between us when we're alone, so I feel even worse because it's something else I screwed up) and the other is suicidal too. I really don't know what to do anymore. I have a date set for my suicide and a note already written. I want the pain I feel to stop. I'm reaching out here because I want help. I don't want to die as such, I just feel like it's the only way to stop this endless cycle of pain. I admit that I'm addicted to cutting and that I'm depressed and suicidal. Admitting addiction is the first part of the overcoming the problem right? I can't reach out to my parents because they have a stigma with mental health. Last time I tried to talk to them, they told me I was "just being stupid" and "needed to get a life" (my sister's also like that and would probably go and tell my parents). I can't go to the doctors because I live in the UK and I'm under 16, so one of my parents would have to be present for the appointment and they wouldn't do it because of their stigma. There's also not an authority figure that I trust enough (especially since a girl I know who self harmed and is suicidal told the school and the teachers spread it around like a rumour and now most people know). Who am I supposed to talk to? Because I know if I don't get help soon, I'm going to to go through with it. And I know I'm capable of it. Sorry for the rant.