close to doing something final

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, May 1, 2010.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I don't want to be here any longer. So close to doing this, today has been 100x worse than I have ever felt, could barely drag myself out of bed to eat or come to my computer to type this and reach out. The pain is ungodly and I am going to make it stop one way or another, enough is enough. All the support and love in the world has not helped, and I probably sounds like an ungrateful bitch, but it just hurts too much to keep living. I hear people laughing outside, birds chirping, a soft warm breeze blowing and it just makes me feel more alone and disconnected, more ready to die because I don't feel attached to anything here any more.
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

  3. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    You're so so unwell, and you're in so much pain. Could you tell a doctor as to how unwell you are? Do they know? Because in hospital certain things will be taken care of such as meals and everything.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    you need to get some proffessional help...don't hurt yourself....try help first..
    get to a hospital, call crisis..anything....
    you deserve to live..
  5. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i have help, it's not helping. It's over.
  6. randomguy9

    randomguy9 Put's the "Pro" in Profanity Chat Pro

    You have this forum... we are here. Can I have some specifics as to what is bothering you?

    I know the feeling of disconnect... i have in one way or the other, lost all the close relationships I have... feel free to vent, and my PM box is open.
  7. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    Swimmer..hun... :wub: you

    You can do this...i know it may not feel like it...but you can get through this. Please do me a favor?? DO NOT HURT YOURSELF!

    And if you ever need to talk...PM me or add me to MSN... hun please stay.
  8. E69

    E69 Member

    I know how you feel. It is so difficult to hear people living life normally, feeling disconnected from it all.

    I won't dissasaude you because to be honest, I know how you feel. I just wanted to write that I know how you feel.
  9. mopetzpanda

    mopetzpanda Member


    you are not alone and I know how you feel. What E69 said really hit home with me:

    "It is so difficult to hear people living life normally, feeling disconnected from it all."

    That feeling is one of the worst parts of depression. Having people at work ask, "What did you do this weekend?" then having to make up some stupid lie, instead of telling the truth... "Like, well, I got up, thought about how I wanted to die for about 8 hours, then went to sleep."
  10. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    That's exactly how my day was. I can't take many more of these kind of days. It is physically and emotionally breaking me down.

    Oh, how much I just want to end it right now. Put myself out of my misery.
  11. absolution

    absolution Forum Buddy

    dont to us
  12. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    If help is not helping, it's not enough help.

    I'm no judge, but you sound like someone who might need inpatient treatment, mainly because certain things should be taken care of; they'll provide you with some containment for your feelings, remind you to wash, eat, drink and you might feel yourself touch earth, feel more connected to things, providing things are peaceful and they don't cause more anxiety. Most of all they should keep you safe from yourself, hurting or killing yourself.

    All very basic things like that go out the window when you're at the place you are and in so much agony. They'll take the burden off your shoulders a bit, but won't solve any deep rooted issues. Because you sound very very unwell.
  13. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    The hospital makes me feel completely out of control. I would rather be dead than go there.

    Maybe that will happen soon.
  14. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    you know how i feel about hospitals but i would rather have you safe than gone


  15. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    The hospital can't cure this, if I go, I am still going to feel the same way when I get out, what's the point in delaying the inevitable...
  16. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    The hospital makes me feel that way too. What were your experiences there, and is there such a thing as voluntary admission/discharge where you are?

    I'm listening, so tell me about it. Because a short stay might be worth it in the long run; it's an option, it isn't the best thing out there, but it's an option.
  17. E69

    E69 Member

    Yeah.. touche.
  18. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I have gone in voluntarily twice and it was a complete waste of time, I felt worse upon discharge. I got put in the hospital to make other people feel better about me being safe, not to help me feel better. It is a complete joke. I am so screwed.
  19. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    can you hold on until school is over then get away somewhere for awhile?
  20. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    I know what you mean, it's useless in one sense, but in another, they keep you safe through a bad period, even though you probably wanted to kill yourself and let it be over.

    Tell me, what's keeping you here, something must do? You're a fighter, I've read your posts for months, not sure if you remember me, but I reply to you as often as I can. When you wake up and you feel like you can't go on another day, what's keeping you here?
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