I don't want to be here any longer. So close to doing this, today has been 100x worse than I have ever felt, could barely drag myself out of bed to eat or come to my computer to type this and reach out. The pain is ungodly and I am going to make it stop one way or another, enough is enough. All the support and love in the world has not helped, and I probably sounds like an ungrateful bitch, but it just hurts too much to keep living. I hear people laughing outside, birds chirping, a soft warm breeze blowing and it just makes me feel more alone and disconnected, more ready to die because I don't feel attached to anything here any more.