Close to the edge...

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Enfys2824, Aug 28, 2016.

  1. Enfys2824

    Enfys2824 Member

    Not sure how much longer I can live this life... people say if you do the same things, you get the same results... but what if there are things you can't change, things outside your control? You do the best you can with what you have, you live your life the only way you know how.... but living this life is not sustainable, it has become too much.
  2. Enfys2824

    Enfys2824 Member

    I don't belong here anymore, not sure that I ever did. I know that drinking is a depressant, yet after 2 months of not drinking at all, I went and bought a large bottle and have got through about half in one evening.... haven't taken any meds today, know I'll feel like hell tomorrow, due to both the sudden intake of booze and abruptly stopping the meds... at the moment I don't care... tomorrow may be different... I wish I was able to <Mod Edit - Methods> just have done with it... but I can't, not yet. Living on AD's like a spaced out zombie isn't any way to live... but equally can't function without them... mood nosedives and I hit rock bottom again - why do I torture myself like this, because I deserve it...
    One day I will just put myself out of my misery and everyone around me will be thankful for it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 28, 2016
  3. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Welcome to the forum. Hugs. Are you getting any professional help?
  4. Enfys2824

    Enfys2824 Member

    I've been on and off various antidepressants for the last 3 years; in an out of counselling (as and when funds & time allow) for the same amount of time. Most AD's I can't tolerate because of the side effects, the one I'm currently on, for the 3rd time, is marginally better than nothing at all. The only support I've had recently, is from a patient and understanding counsellor, and whilst it has helped to have someone to talk to about the darkness with, I am conscious that she is not really there for on-going support and that it's now more 'maintenance' than anything else; a prop to get me through the darkest times and help keep myself alive while I still have to be here. The medical profession are at the point of giving up, because I don't fit easily into a convenient box that they can just tick and say 'E is better now, we've done our job'.

    It's hard to convey the absolute despair and overwhelming desire to just give in and let the darkness win. It's no longer a question of it but when.
  5. moxman

    moxman I am proud to call Rosie, my best friend =) Forum Pro

    Hello Enfys2824, I am Mox

    Welcome to SF and thank you for sharing part of your story. I personally would love to hear more, about you and what is going on with you. The more you share, the more we can help. That is how SF "works" you share what is going on in your life. Then other members will come to your aide; and offer you a variety of ideas to help you. Just know when you are here you are safe. No one will ever ridicule or judge you in any way. That BS is not tolerated here at SF. I invite you to read my personal story below in green; and know that you are not alone. Everyone here is fighting their own demons.

    I found SF because I was trying to find ways to hurt myself. Are you feeling suicidal? If you are not that is fantastic. If you are feeling suicidal and in danger of hurting yourself; please take yourself to the closest ER and get the help.We value you; and we want you stay safe. Do you know why you are feeling suicidal? If you don't would you like for me to explain it? We care about you and we embrace you; just as the way you are. You are among friends now.

    Do you have any friends and family you can lean on for support? What is your coping method of dealing with all the stress you are under?

    No sweetheart, no one deserves the hell you are going through. But I have learned that sometimes bad shit happens to good people. You sound like you are very overwhelmed and stressed out. What is going on in your life, that is stressing you so much? If it is important to you ; it is important to me.

    I understand completely how you feel about this. I felt the exact same way, when I stumbled across SF. This place has helped me immensely. Maybe it can help you, it is up to you.

    I am glad you are receiving professional medical help for your issues. I hate to hear about all the problems you are having with the medication. I really hope they find one that can help you without having any bad side effects.

    Feel free to PM/IM me anytime. If just want to say hi, or if you want to talk about something in private. I am here for you. Your not alone in this fight anymore. You have us. Don't be shy.

    Take Care of Yourself
    Enfys2824 likes this.
  6. Enfys2824

    Enfys2824 Member

    Has anyone here tried hypnotherapy for depression/anxiety/ptsd?

    I did some research around the topic and if what I've read is to be believed, it has good success rates. I know that no one can wave a magic wand and make everything ok - I'm not looking for miracles, at the moment I'd settle for a little more than just dragging myself through each day without the constant thoughts of wanting to end my life. I made contact with someone who unfortunately is away until next week but they have replied to me and said they would be happy to meet with me to discuss things further. They have assured me that under hypnosis I am at all times aware and in control. Unfortunately that doesn't reassure me as I don't always feel in control in 'normal life' and sometimes dissociate. I am already feeling extremely anxious about having decided to try this form of therapy and wondering if I've done the right thing.

    I am desperate.
  7. Enfys2824

    Enfys2824 Member

    what is the point...?