I want to overdose. I think I've got enough pills for it to work. I'm not saying I'm definitly going to, but I really really want to. I'm just so tired. The bullshit never lets up for a second. There's always somebody expecting something from me. No one ever says that I'm ok just as I am. I always have to be stronger, work harder, think faster. It's like I've got this giant school report on my life that just says "Could do better", that's what all the real ones said as well. Who the hell decided that I have to always be perfect no matter what? What is the definition of the ideal person and why am I the only one that's constantly held up to it and found lacking? I can't possibly be mr wonderful all the time, no one can. But I'm never cut any slack and it's crushing me down into the ground. It'd be so easy to OD and escape it all, but if I did it I'd be a selfish coward instead of a fallible human being in insurmountable pain. But no matter what I do I'm a selfish coward anyway, so what's the point in carrying on? I'm sorry I'm a disappointment and a failure and never ever good enough.