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Closer but less frightened?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Hithere13, Jan 10, 2011.

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  1. Hithere13

    Hithere13 Member

    Don't know. Thought about suicide for the past 5 months now, have been much more depressed and upset than now, because now I feel numb and empty?

    Mum and I have constant fights, I'm too depressed often to tidy my room which causes huge arguments where she calls me horrible names and makes me feel more depressed which is a horrible cycle. She doesn't know about my suicidal feelings.

    Also have a partner who can't handle my horrible feelings. I am actually in a lesbian relationship although beforehand I wouldn't have ever dreamt of it? Just felt like I should go for it. Infact, I cheated before my depression and felt no guilt for several weeks before coming crashing down. I was arrogant, confident and it was very out of character? I hate cheating and feel absolutely disgusting for doing so.

    Started university a year earlier than most, always got good grades in school and these feelings have caused my grades to get worse and worse. I would never have met that guy either if it wasn't for uni. Made very few new friends and even then we are not close at all.

    Only thing that keeps me here is knowing that I can't let my little sister and brother and family have this burden on them, which causes me to further want to do it because I feel stuck and want out of here. I need to do something, just don't know what.
  2. Hithere13

    Hithere13 Member

    Also, I am pretty close to doing it. Maybe not tonight as I thought, but soon enough.
  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    are you being treated for your depression? if so, you should let your doctor know that the meds are not working. if not, you should def. see your doctor before you do anything rash. it is possible to heal from depression, with meds, therapy and alot of work. you are worth it. i believe in you.
  4. Hithere13

    Hithere13 Member

    I'm not being treated at the moment, and to be honest I am scared of the consequences that it could have on my job, uni work and future.

    Thank you so much for the support though.
  5. black_rose_99

    black_rose_99 Well-Known Member

    I hear you.

    I'm scared of these consequences too. But I'm also scared of feeling this way for the rest of my life. Although I haven't built up the courage to go and see my GP for meds, I have started some processes for therapy and counselling, and am going to speak to them about my fears about my future and my career.

    I can only trust that I can turn it into a positive thing one day, when I am better in myself.
  6. Hithere13

    Hithere13 Member

    In a way it already has an impact on my life, because it impacts the quality of it. I have people to confide in who aren't qualified or anything, but it usually gets me through that bit further.
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