Meager possibilities of a reasonable future have all closed up. The only possible chance I have of saving the house (at least for a few years) and providing security for my long suffering wife is by killing myself. The insurance money will at least help, and hopefully actually provide perpetually for my long suffering wife and family. I have screwed up a lifetime. This is my one chance for redemption. I hope I do not screw this up. It is well thought out and planned and should succeed.