Closing times

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by novecento, Dec 15, 2010.

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  1. novecento

    novecento Member

    Only when the last "I" is spoken will you know that it is time to close the book. The irreconcilible "I". For as long as "I" speaks, that hated upright beam of the gallow, there is hope, and pain. And a tomorrow strictly identical to yesterday. Agonizingly identical. The absurdity of an inextricable stalemate. This forum is populated with a million "I"s all crying out loud "love me, please love me". The dead are silent. Cold. Unloved. Forgotten. They post no thread. They pose no threat. Their "I" forever obliterated. To wish neither death nor life but the impossibility of being unborn. The very contradiction is in the words. To have never seen the light and darkness of this world. Therein lies the true suicide.
     
  2. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    I'm not sure I understand this. Do you want to explain more?
     
  3. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Not "love me please love me", but "help me", thats different.
    This place is all about learning to like yourself again, with a little help maybe.
    I understand your post very clearly, and suggest that by being here it is a tad hypocritical.
    I hope you find peace my friend, i certainly send it to you.
     
  4. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    I love the way you write :)

    I don't really understand it :( which I would really like to
     
  5. novecento

    novecento Member

    Thank you. To be honest I'm not sure of their meaning either. They are not a cry for help. More like pebbles thrown in random directions. It's like standing in a dark lake, with no shores in sight. Since you can't stand there for ever, you have to take a chance, swim to the nearest shore or drown. Except that you don't know the direction. So you throw out pebbles, and listen to the sound they make as they hit the water. Is there another shallow place where you can move to? The sound of the pebbles will tell you. Many different reasons lead us to contribute to this forum. Some of us want to die. Woody Allen said "I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens." My impossible wish goes one step further: not being born. It is the ultimate escapism and denial of responsibilities. The perfect impossibility. And it doesn't make any sense. In that, I feel denied the right of an early exit. Dying is "easy" in the sense that we do it naturally, every day. By tomorrow, today will be gone. Just add a few more days (few being relative) and we'll all get there with no effort. We are hardwired to accept that. I find it helpful to align whatever words cross my synapses. If these are dark words, black or shades of grey like nearly all the ones I posted so far, I know that there is no sure footing underneath. They are just pebbles. It is the white words, the radiant words, the words that speak love, friendship, that I am after. They lead out of this purgatory.
     
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too love the way your write i love your words and how they how they are spoken it is help i think the cries here help for healing for forgiveness help to be accepted and with support the right direction many will find their way to the shore. take care.
     
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