Well I summed up most of my plite in my intro. I sit here clad in black surrounded by shadows in my dark room the light through the window and curtains peeks through. The XXX lies on my desk eager to be used I am unhappy life is one crushing blow after another and to make matters worse I have been having urges to romantically be with a guy rather then a girl well thats more for the relationship section I guess. I am unhappy and I feel so alone. I hope to understand you all better by reading more of you peoples posts. I am so afraid of peoples reactions though. I was afraid to visit this site on my own so I found a proxy server and hopped on here because if I don't kill myself and its found out I posted on a site like this and sought support I would lose my job and then be even worse off and I don't want that. The shame I feel being here is far too much.