Cloudy day

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by Lost in Heaven, Feb 23, 2009.

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  1. Lost in Heaven

    Lost in Heaven New Member

    My teacher handed back my essay today, it had a big F on it.

    I used to be a good student. I used to have really good grades. I just... don't know what went wrong. I don't know what happened.

    I never learn. I tried to correct something the same teacher said today, and he would just... not take it. He made me look like a fool in front of my whole class.

    I keep making the same mistakes over and over. I embarrass myself and I really...really don't like myself.

    And I don't know what to do. I don't know where I'm supposed to turn anymore. Well, except back to this forum.

    Please... anyone, I think I need some guidance.

    I have a contact at the psychiatry, but I keep telling her that everything's alright, except that I feel "a little bit blue" because I don't know how to explain... my problem, or I do know... but I don't dare to tell her.. because I'm afraid she'll misunderstand or not take me seriously. I've met people earlier in my life who've told me I'm not depressed, because I don't want to seem.. sad in front of them. When I meet this nurse at the psychiatry, I always try to smile and be polite. I'm not sure if that fools them or if I really am not depressed. I don't know myself anymore..

    I've been taking zoloft for some time, but quit because it made me do badly at school. I couldn't think clear. I couldn't think properly at all. It was just hard to... concentrate.

    I feel so lost and so confused.. I want help, but I don't know how anyone could help me... And I feel really stupid for asking.
  2. Drekono

    Drekono Well-Known Member

    hey lost in heaven, im sorry your feeling so bad:hug:

    I think i can relate to what your going through in school somewhat. I cant get myself to do anything for school. its like i just dont care enough about anything for my brain to bother trying anymore. Cant pay attention in class or concentrate when i try to do hw.
    I know what its like to put up a sheild to hide yourself from people. A sheild that makes you seem like a different person to the world. But pretty soon that sheild even fools yourself. You dont remember what you would have really liked to do or what you would have actually said in a situation. you start loosing little pieces of yourself and feel like you;ll never get them back because you cant remember what you've lost in the first place. All you wanna do is be yourself but you literally dont know how or just cant. every friend or relationship feels fake and meaningless and everythings seems so pointless. Your afraid to open up to anyone because they wont believe you. all they've seen is your sheild, not you. well idk if this is what your feeling but i guess its how i feel most of the time. But i keep pushing forward. Keeping hangin on and trying to change. Its hard, its long, its slow but its life. and some things in life are worth living for. so we push through the bad to get to them.

    Just keep pushing ... im here to talk if you want
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Lost in Heaven,
    Welcome to the forum!! It sounds definitley that you are suffering from depression. One of the signs is you can't concentrate, another is lack of motivation. You should open up with your nurse friend. She won't be surprised because there are so many people who suffer from it now adays.
    It can be treated. You say you can't take the Zoloft well sometimes they have to try you on different meds. The meds react differently for different people. They just have to do trial and error until they find what works for you.. Myself I am on a regimine of meds because of so many different problems...
    Don't be so hard on yourself. It's not your fault this is happening!! Seek the help it is out there!! Maybe talk to your parents and have them get you in to see a therapist.. They really do help, but you have to open up and tell all so they can come up with a treatment plan..Good Luck and always here if you need to talk!!
  4. justafool

    justafool Well-Known Member

    The last thing you should worry about is what any teacher may think of you. Some teachers are simply idiots. Plus, much of what goes on in school is a waste of time. Most students are bored with their classes, not just you.

    Focus on any area of study that truly interests you and put your energies there. Let the other things fall off the map, if need be. You can find something enjoyable to do for awhile during the school day, I'm pretty sure. Don't stress out about the really dull stuff, not for the time being, at least.
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