http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clozapine I've tried so many medications its not funny.. my doctor finally prescribed me this one and within a few weeks I started to feel better before I had even reached the therapeutic dose. My mind was clearer, my anxiety lessened, the constant voices and arguing in my head became easier to handle.. But as is my luck I had a heart attack, didn't even realise that I had it due to the fact I was suffering from gastro at the time, they found out after my weekly blood test came back a bit off (still trying to figure out why a blood test should be off if you have a heart attack) and they sent me for an ECG and echocardiogram and found damage to my heart. I know it can be a bad drug, that its side effects are serious. My god, if the week in hospital being tested hadn't drummed that into me then surely the numerous lectures by doctors and nurses or research on the net would have made it click, or maybe the fact that I had to go in for weekly blood tests and ECG's would have tipped me off.. This drug can kill you or make life pretty unpleasant. But so can the disorders its used to treat.. I was put on this as a last resort, my doctor kept telling me for months before giving it to me that if the other drugs didn't work then he had this particular drug as a backup plan. My lack of a normal life and inability to deal with life in general has me extremely suicidal, and I don't mean a 'thinks about it once in a while' suicidal, I mean a 'looks at plastic bags in supermarkets and wonders if they're airtight' suicidal. My doctor knows this.. and even noted an improvement on clozapine, yet he refuses to give it to me anymore because it 'may' cause permanent damage, or death. May cause those things.. not will cause those things, it may cause another heart attack, the one I had might have also been the gastro I had at the time as a contributing factor, hadn't slept in days, was throwing up all the time, hadn't eaten in a week. Correct me if I'm wrong but suicide usually always causes permanent damage or death... Whats up with the doctors saying I can't have a treatment thats effective because it may harm me if even I'm willing to take the risk? Especially when the risks of not taking it are pretty definite. Guess thats my question.. if it helps why not let the patient assume the risk? And just as a side note, I met a few people on this drug at the clozapine clinic who were lucky enough to miss out on the side effects and to them this drug was a godsend. If your current anti-psychotics aren't effective then ask your doctor about this one.