Cocaine... Self Harm?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by BattlingDemons247, Sep 23, 2006.

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  1. I've never admitted out loud to anyone, I infact deny it every opportunity. Few of my friends even know I'm involved. But I'm an addict. I want it all the time. I was looking for it earlier today. I don't even have a job anymore, I'm in between right not. So I'm having to save my money. But all I want to do is get fucked up and not feel anything. I don't even care right now what drugs I get ahold of. I just want something.

    I've been wondering for a little now could my heavy drug use be a form of self harm? People are always saying how bad it is for you, how you're only hurting yourself. Or is that just me trying to tell myself I'm not addicted, I just like hurting me?

    I really have no idea. But I've been getting more and more angry when I can't find anything. And apparently people are starting to notice. My roommate is worried about me, and her exboyfriend (my best friend) is telling her I don't do anything, I've got him lying for me. I don't want to put him in that position anymore, but he can see right through me...

    I really like drugs...
  2. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    Well hun, it is harming you, but there is something in us that feels awrful and we want to feel better any other way.....we want to feel better never mind the consequences.......

    Some might use drugs for that reason, but most want to feel some other way, because they are miserable.

    it's weird when you think about it we harm ourselves to take away our pain, wether cutting, drugging and ect.



  3. It is rather ironic.
  4. VALIS

    VALIS Well-Known Member

    From my own experience with everything from flat-out self harm, unhealthy eating patterns, bad relationships, hard drugs, pot, alcohol, klonopin, vicodin, even melatonin... substance abuse is a way to cope with reality. Changing the way you feel physically is a way to deal with what you can't face.
    The pain of a serious chemical addiction is a little different because your body depends on the drug, as well as your mind. Examine what it is about the cocaine that makes you feel better- is it the energy? the confidence? the overcoming of social anxiety? find alternatives to cocaine that alleviate these deficiencies in everyday sober life. I don't mean to be unrealistic or preachy or idealistic, but a little excercise gives you confidence and an energetic boost.
    You know what else? This might not be healthy for everyone, but one time when I was in the middle of a serious hard stimulant addiction, I just started using other milder drugs to help me come down and stay sober. Such as herbals, moderate alcohol, prescription meds. I'm just talking about during the initial detox period, you don't want to just exchange addictions, but milder and less dangerous drugs are for sure the lesser of two evils. After that you'll need a better solution such as therapy or psych meds or self-examination. I'm just trying to be realistic. You seem like a good person who feels out of control and I hope my ideas helped somewhat.
  5. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Like DUH man! It may be your method to slowly kill your remaining brain cells.
    I am sorry for your addiction anyways. I imagine it is a bitch to realize and write this post.

    I have never ever done hard drugs, but my parents did. My mother killed herself over it. It is self-harm cuz you deny that you are doing anything bad, anything that is hurting you. I agree with the above info. to Examine why you enjoy it so. You may think it blocks the unpleasant s*** from your life.
    I hope you can see it soon.

    Also findind a online or pressent group of addicts that are recovery or doing a search for secret drug helplines may help you with more information

    I hope you can cut down before you go broke, lose all your money, friends, become homeless, or worse. I don't want to offend you here. Just honest.
    Hoping the best for you. Good LUCK!
  6. TLA

    TLA Antiquitie's Friend

    Please send us an update.
    I did not mean to sound harsh and I am sorry if I hurt your feelings.
    I can be absentmindfulness of others struggles that I do not know of.
    Just want you to know, I think you can make it.
    It is hard, to be as honest as you did in your post. Let us know.
    Again, my apologies.
  7. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    well, i cannot say i'm a coke user but i am a user non the less. i use meth from time to time. i tried (and nearly succeeded) to od when i was 17. my family was so ashamed of me and told me what a stupid thing i had done. they were'nt very supportive to say the least. anyways, it was then and there that i decided (i still wanted to die) that i would have to take a much less obvious route in my attempt to kill myself. so i decided it was going to be drugs. i go through my periods now where i use and use and use, but this is one of those mellower times. i think it's a matter of the unconcious but now when i feel like dying i find myself using again. not just using but i can't do enough or fast enough. if i had the money to get so much that i could use till i explode i would do it. maybe it's a good thing i'm a poor woman, then again maybe not. anyways all that to say i do think it is a matter of self harm at least i know it is for me.
  8. Blank with Empty

    Blank with Empty Well-Known Member

    Any drug do u does some kind of harm but may not be noticeable right away. I've used cocaine for about 4 months going steady then I stopped for about 4 months so far. It really had me want more and more everytime I used it. I have a poor heart so I just walked away. Its not easy but its possible.

    A friend of mine got really into it and I fear he still does alot. He stopped talking to me a while ago and saying rude things about me to others. I still see him tho but he barely talks to anyone. I wonder if he's depressed but I don't think he can talk to me.

    I take some percocets and vicodin every once in a while too here lately while also drinking heavly and smoking herb.

    Drugs make life better but only for a short while. At the present it might seem great but if continued use occurs it will catch up.

    Trying to stop will be the great challange in my life. That stopping smoked and drinking and even caffene plus the obvious.
  9. Insignificant

    Insignificant Account Closed

    there is something i failed to mention before and that is the affect that using has taken on me. it has begun to cause me heart problems. it was also believed that it may have caused a heart attack a mild one but i left the hospital before they could finish any tests. not only do i now have heart issues but i have now developed a new (to me) disorder because of it. it's dissociative d/o and 98% of the time i experience this is only when i am using. and at that it usually ends up landing me back in the hospital the mental one that is. so while i'm not going instantly it does appear that to some extent it is beginning to do what i intended for it to. it does cause and i firmly believe it is a form of self harm
  10. I came out to my friends about my addiction. I was refered to a rehabilitation center, kinda a help with self help thing. I'm talking back and forth with them.

    I have yet to talk to my parents, I don't want to. But I'm told I need to... We'll see...

    Thanks guys.
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