Strange way to do breakfast, tablets, syrup and I'll pass on the rest. This is a daily routine. To get out of bed to reach meds is an achiement on its own then wait that it kicks in to even start moving around, but to do what? To make it through the day. As soon as ability allows, put on a mask of indifference not to disturb else's mood for the day so not to affect them. Once out of the door you'd think I'd let down that mask? The mask is glued to my skin so we do 1. Weekends are worse. None is working so no way to even dream of letting my hair down. Another mask then an ohter one then one more as they become so much part of my being that they seem to fade away in time. Hallowing has passed and shops are empty. Sold out! I guess this weekend will be one of those hard ones as I'll have to hide and seek peace and refuge in sleep not to 'disturb' others as I am expected to be in control. Last expectations I'll try to meet and fulfill my 'duties' towards those that say they 'love' and 'care'. If that is the meaning of living and caring for someone but to expect them to forget themselves, their needs, emotions, feelings, basic necessities and so forth, I am to wonder what is its worth at the end. Is love and caring for others worth sacrifying one self to the end? Sucking out to the last drop what keeps them going? My transfusion (meds) will keep me going a little longer but wont last for long I know it. Then what will happend? Sorry, only self pity bs. this early wont help me I know so better turn off the pc as meds are kicking in finally and put on some makeup to hide the cracks in my mask and face this day. Hoping you will have a better day than mine.