Boy, am I codependent. I really feel like I'm not worth a damn unless someone is there to validate my worth for me. It took me kicking my fiancée out of the house again for him to finally realize he needed to go to rehab. He signed himself in today. I'm happy he chose to do that, but feel so worthless and depressed without him. I didn't want it to come to this, but the drugs changed him so much that I didn't even feel like I knew him anymore at all. I tolerated it for a long time, until I couldn't tolerate it any longer. I know I did the right thing. I stepped out of his way and let him reach his bottom, where the pain of using became greater than the pain of getting help. I could be saving his life. And mine. So why does it feel so horrible then? Why do good decisions always feel so horrible? Since he seems to be taking recovery seriously, we will most likely be together again when he gets out of rehab. But right now, it just sucks. I hate not feeling in control, not having him here with me, and not knowing what exactly will happen.