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cold from fear

Discussion in 'I Need Empathy and Compassion (No advice wanted)' started by Paisley, Feb 24, 2018.

  1. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Have to go shopping in 45 minutes, but it could be up to 1:45 depending on if my ride is late or not. That's an hour and forty five minutes of pacing back and forth, imagining every possible bad scenario that has any chance at all of occurring, and feeling like I'm balancing on a tightrope a few stories in the air. May or may not throw up. I wish I didn't need to go out and buy this one thing that I'm going out for but I know I'll be happier once I have it. My thoughts are all over the place and I can't really feel my hands as I'm typing this. Going to put on more makeup on in case anybody stares at me, except it doesn't actually help, I feel ugly and out of place no matter what.
     
  2. Daíthí

    Daíthí Chat Pro SF Supporter

    I'm sorry you're feeling like this, sending warm thoughts and wishes your way. I'm sure you're not ugly, and I hope your shopping trip goes well
     
    Paisley likes this.
  3. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Thank you @Daíthí . Took some medication, bought what I went for, and even hung out with the other person for a bit. Feeling happy for doing so well. Now I'm going to make something to eat and watch a movie.
     
    Lulabelle likes this.
  4. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    I don't like it when people stare at me because I think they think I'm ugly. I go out sometimes but I don't talk to people. If I do, it's just small talk. I don't get rides from anybody besides my family so I don't have anyone to hang out with. I wish I did.
     
  5. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    I was hanging out with my ex boyfriend which is sort of weird, there's no connection anymore but we already know each other so it's easier for me to go in public. It was like having an acquaintance along. Someone to do most of the talking. I don't have any actual friends I could have gone with, which makes me sad.
     
  6. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    I've never even had a boyfriend. You're lucky that you've had one. I don't have any friends, either. Like I have people on facebook from school but they don't talk to me. There is this one girl named Jennifer I met in middle school who is on my facebook and she called me names and made fun of me so I don't really talk to her or anything, I just added her and that was it. Sometimes I wait for people to talk to me but they never do.
     
  7. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    I don't have a facebook, it saves me the hassle/embarrassment. I don't really want to talk to the people I went to school with. I do have one girl I consider a friend who I've known since kindergarten but she's out of city with school. I feel happy for her but lonely at the same time. She's so much smarter than me. I wish I could go to a college or university, and then maybe I could see myself as her equal.
     
  8. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    I took one college class and that was pretty much it. No one talked to me there, either. On the very first day, my professor read my paper aloud and it was kind of embarrassing but at least he didn't say my name. I don't know if I would make any friends at college. A lot of them only care about how you look. I've had open heart surgery and even though many people have had it, most people my age think it's weird.
     
  9. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    I don't know if I'd make friends, either... but up until recently I've been shy and quiet in classes. Now I'm taking online courses and am a bit more confident of my mind. It might be different for me if I try again, I really hope it would be different.

    I'm not exactly your age but close enough, I think... I don't find it weird. Just one aspect of a person with a lot of other life experiences besides surgery. I know that ultimately it's up to the individuals but I think that in general the level of maturity in students rises once they're in post-secondary... ideally.
     
  10. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    I don't even have any money to take any more classes. Plus I'd have to find a way there. There are scholarship options for people who are on SSI, but then my family would probably expect me to get a job after I got a degree and I don't even know if I could get a job. It seems too much work to me to try anymore. I don't even know if I want to go to college, and if I did I would want it to be better than anything around here. My only option would be something nearby. Most people my age don't seem mature to me, since I have added people from school on facebook and they're supposed to be mature now but they don't act like it. Maybe I just need to be around different people. Or smarter people.

    I think people have trouble with surgeries because it affects your looks and because knowing medical terms is probably considered geeky.
     
  11. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    I couldn't keep any job I've had so far. That's why I went back to school, was in hopes I'd qualify for work that didn't give me mental breakdowns.

    Always felt more at ease around geeks, they just seem to be a nicer group of people than most.
     
  12. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    Me too!

    If I could I would have gotten a degree in computers, writing, or psychology. I am very good at those subjects.

    I would be more worried about the people I have to be around than the actual job.
     
  13. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Yeah, I definitely understand being more worried about the people than the work. I think I could manage a little bit of social interaction but I'd like a job where my main task has to do with organizing in some form. I've considered a lot of different occupations, from a data analyst, to a scientific illustrator, to a gemmologist. I'd like to go into an art program but I'm thinking maybe a science like biology.
     
  14. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    I think you'd do a good job.
     
  15. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Thanks for talking with me. It made me happy to feel understood.
     
    Aprilflowers7 likes this.
  16. Aprilflowers7

    Aprilflowers7 Well-Known Member

    You're welcome!
     
    Paisley likes this.
  17. Heavens Heart

    Heavens Heart Well-Known Member

    I don' believe your ugly I'm sure your a shining diamond maybe make a list of what your awsome at which i believe good friend kind soul these are most important hems in society hugs hugs hugs
     
    Paisley likes this.
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @Paisley Just wanted to let you know that I have seen a lot of empathy and compassion from you to others on this site and that just proves what a wonderful person you are. Your presence is noticed here and I'm glad to have ''met'' you :) Hope to see more of you around the forum and please know your compassion and kindness for others does not go unnoticed. ((hugs))

    P.S Glad you made it out for what you wanted to buy and hope you had a nice evening :)
     
    Paisley likes this.
  19. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    This is a great idea, I had a therapist session recently and they called me insightful but I didn't agree and they said something like "No, because that would be admitting you're good at something, wouldn't it?" Haha. I'll try and make a list
     
  20. Paisley

    Paisley a pattern made of minty teardrops SF Supporter

    Oh wow thank you so much... that's very kind of you to say. And from someone as compassionate as you that's an ever bigger compliment! I'm glad to know you, too. I'll definitely stay on the forums here. They've really helped me
     
    Petal likes this.