I keep avoiding everything. Someone died, and once again I am not doing the whole funeral thing. I have been so busy, I am always busy, but ever since I found out I have been doing EVERYTHING. I am constantly on the go, or trying to solve my friends' problems. I know why I do it, and it seems maladaptive but I am just not the crying type. The last time I did this, it hit hard, its going to do that again, I know it. I suck though. But that was a bit different. That death was a suicide, this was not. That one hit hard later because I realized that I must have been a terrible friend, this one is not the same. I hate avoiding things, but at the same time, Iknow I can't face them. Mom called me a cold-hearted selfish bitch for not going and not caring, but he is dead, why freaking bother? Wearing black and crying is not going to change anything. I can do so much more with my time.