Cold-hearted bitch

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Alyssa88, May 25, 2007.

  1. Alyssa88

    Alyssa88 Active Member

    I keep avoiding everything. Someone died, and once again I am not doing the whole funeral thing. I have been so busy, I am always busy, but ever since I found out I have been doing EVERYTHING. I am constantly on the go, or trying to solve my friends' problems. I know why I do it, and it seems maladaptive but I am just not the crying type. The last time I did this, it hit hard, its going to do that again, I know it. I suck though. But that was a bit different. That death was a suicide, this was not. That one hit hard later because I realized that I must have been a terrible friend, this one is not the same. I hate avoiding things, but at the same time, Iknow I can't face them. Mom called me a cold-hearted selfish bitch for not going and not caring, but he is dead, why freaking bother? Wearing black and crying is not going to change anything. I can do so much more with my time.
  2. altek001

    altek001 Well-Known Member

    seems rather armchair and high-talking...and it more than likely is..
    but from a backwards psychological standpoint (fully accredited by me,)

    you seem to fear death. more than 'a lot.'
    or maybe you don't like crying and feeling sad because it's an intense sign of weakness.

    are you always this way..? always busy and running around solving everyone's problems or just when someone falls off this mortal coil?

    ...just keep in mind..these are just questions and first thoughts without knowing you in the slightest so please don't reply saying alike 'oh goodness you TOTALLY know me. ugh. go *blank* yourself' or anything sarcastic like that.

    well...this is a rather ridiculous reply. i don't know if i'm going to post it.
    - Henry
  3. Alyssa88

    Alyssa88 Active Member

    I guess this behavior is normal of me, I am always doing something. Lately however I have also been doing everyone else's stuff. I have been a bit more busy. I don't fear death, I just don't see where the whole mourning process will get you. In fact, I often want to kill myself, but I would never quit like that. I don't want people around me to die, but shit happens and you move on. I am just frustrated with everyone around me thinking I have some sort of problem because I am not upset. I do not like to show any weakness and I don't like to face everything, but there really is no point to.