<Mod Edit - Acy - Methods> later...I just really dont give 2 sh*ts. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up, but both times I tried to off myself... it hurt. one by cutting, then by pills. the pills really could have killed me but I was so drunk I yakked most of them up.... but I was still barely conscious for 3 days. it was at that time that they locked me up in the psych ward.. I think I left that out of my earlier post. Yeah I know substances aren't the answer. Eventualyl they make you feel worse. Actually this post is... an attempt to get some spiritual guidance. I don't believe in godin the tradtional sense. I think theres something that keeps everything spinning yyou know *forgive my typing...) but I dont think its conscious and damn sure not benevolent. if there is a god, I feel certain it is neither god nor evil, if either of those things really exsist. However as much as I hate to admit it I feel certain that there is a hell. Heaven? doubt it. but definitely hell. I saw a demon two days ago. They are waiting for me. But is that any worse? To be honest is scared me so bad I started yelling stuff about jesus and all that to make it leave. fear is such a compelling argument. Is there help from the divine? I don't know. Passing out now,.